Monday, August 25, 2008

Year Two is Official

Things are really exciting right now at Belmont. For one thing, my loans have officially been approved, and I know I'm going to be able to stay. I couldn't be happier either because I absolutely love having my friends back on campus. It almost feels like we never left because we picked back up so easily where we left off, and I'm so happy to have Liz, Kristen, and Rebecca back on a full-time basis.

I'm having a little trouble dealing with the fact that classes start on Wednesday, but I guess it's inevitable and I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm looking forward to a really busy but really good semester. Being an SLA is going to be a blast I think, and I'm really excited about getting to know my girls and spending time hanging out in Heron.

I've also been reminded a lot lately how much I love Belmont and why. I don't think I'd ever really forgotten, but it's been nice to think about this place as a school again instead of just the place where I live and work.

The fact that I think there might be another plan for me is still hanging over all the joy I am experiencing here. I'm still okay with the fact that I don't have a clue if I'm supposed to stay here, but I feel like the more time I spend here the harder it will be to leave. And I guess that might be why the plan isn't too clear. If I knew today that I would be transferring in the spring, I would probably withdraw from everything and everyone and miss out on a lot of really great things. I know that won't be able to happen now though because as far as I know I'm as likely to graduate from here as I am to finish school at all anywhere. I'm just going to keep on living because that's all I can do. And I'm going to trust that God knows better than I do where I should go and what I should do.

It's going to be a good semester, and I'm just going to keep reminding myself of that when classes start and I want to quit.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Today was my first day of SLA training. It was also the first day in several months that I have not been a full-time employee, and I have to say that part was glorious. It's weird because it seems like my entire summer has been leading up to this, and it's finally here. And I'm ready for things to change, but at the same time I'm going to miss the things I've been able to do this summer.

SLA training was fantastic. I didn't really know what to expect, but it's been refreshing. I really like the group of people I get to work with, and I'm really excited that I'm finally getting to make concrete plans for getting to know my girls and reaching out to them.

I'm excited that I'm leaving all of the frustrations of working 40-hour weeks for Reslife behind, but I'm also sad to be losing my stress-free nights. Homework wasn't something I had to think about when I was spending time with my friends this summer, but it will be something I think about a lot very soon.

And speaking of my friends, I'm sad that my summer friendships have to change. The people I've met this summer have been incredibly random, absolutely spectacular, and a literal God-send. I will still be able to talk to these people and spend time with them, but it won't be nearly as convenient as it has been. I know these are friendships worth preserving though, and I'm so thankful to have such great people in my life.

My Belmont friends will be back soon, and I'm excited about reconnecting with them. I've missed the people who I was spending all my time with over the last school year. It was like I saw them 18 out of 24 hours of every day on average and then they were gone all of a sudden. So, I'm really looking forward to them being back.

I'm excited about the changes happening right now, and I'm just enjoying the transition. Soon I'll have a brand new routine, but for now it's nice to live each day separately with a different schedule each morning.

And as for changes and transitions, I'm once again confused about my life. I won't go into too much detail because I'm not sure where things will lead, but I feel like something is supposed to be different as far as school goes for me. I haven't figured out yet whether I'm being led towards transferring or what, but I feel like there's a big change in the near future. I'm a little antsy to know what's going on, but God isn't letting me see the plan. I still have a peace about everything though, and I know that even if I'm not thrilled about every aspect of what's coming it's going to be good. I know there's a reason I've been where I've been, and a reason for where I'm going. I just have to remember that when the time actually comes and I might have to leave some things I love. For now I'm just continuing to live and learn and love.

Big things are coming.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady Sings, and She's Backstage--for Now

For some reason it's felt like my loan issues were over, but tonight my thoughts have been turned to the fact that they aren't. What's weird is that I've got a peace about everything, even though I don't have a clue which way things will go.

When the day to pay the bill came my loan had been pre-approved, but that was it. I talked to student financial services and was told that as long as everything was squared away by the end of the month I'd be fine. Now we're half way there and less than two weeks away from class, and things still aren't settled. But I'm okay with that. I am making plans right now under the assumption that I will be at Belmont for the fall semester, but at the same time I'm keeping my mind open to the possibility that I will be working at Starbucks and living somewhere else.

I've prayed a lot about this, and as usual God is assuring me in a lot of ways that everything is going to work out, but he always neglects to give me any more of the plan. I understand that's just the way he operates--telling me the end but never the means--but it's thrilling and terrifying living that way. I go from one second being ecstatic because I'm excited about this and the next frightened because I don't have a clue. It's such a quick change from one moment to the next that I am essentially just feeling both things at the same moment, and I feel it all the time. But through it all, I know it's going to be okay.

Whether I get to take classes in the fall or not, the plan has a lot of holes in it. There's so much uncertainty that I have stopped thinking about the near future in anything other than hypothetical terms. I'm along for the ride though, and I'm going to enjoy the trip. Life is good no matter what happens. And I might have to deal with other people in my life not understanding how I can be so calm if things don't go the way we always assumed they would, but I'm ready for that. I know with absolute certainty that my God hasn't forgotten about me. He's still actively involved in my life, and he's got the plan.

For now I'm just waiting. I've got about two weeks before the day when they tell me whether I can stay or not, and until then I'm going to go about my business. When the time comes I'll know what I'm supposed to do. That scares me, but I'll get over it. I'm just going to live and not worry about tomorrow because it will worry about itself.

Friday, August 8, 2008


Today I had the most serene half hour I've had in a long time. On my lunch break I grabbed a sandwich and some fruit from What's Bruin and decided to eat in the courtyard around the bell tower. The weather was absolutely perfect--not too warm or too cold with a nice breeze. The sun was glorious, although not too hot, and because there aren't many people on campus things were pretty quiet. What sound I did hear was the bell tower playing hymns. It was absolutely perfect, and I was so sad when I had to go back to work. It's wonderful to have a few minutes to sit outside and not have to think too much about anything. I feel like even when there isn't much going on in my life I don't take enough time to just sit still. Today was a reminder that life is good, and I need to take a little time to enjoy it and the beauty of everything around me.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

People Need Faith in a Helping Hand

I can't quite get over how perfect my recently acquired friends are. I feel like I've known them so much longer than a couple of months, and I can't explain how attached I have become to them. I love the fact that someone I just met this summer would help me move. And not only will she help me move my stuff, she will help with someone else's--someone she doesn't even know. I also love that the whole time we are moving she doesn't mind listening to me vent frustration. And I'm glad that she's seen the frustrated, not-so-nice side of Kindall and will still hang out and eat Chinese while watching Will & Grace with Kindall.

What's even better is that she isn't the only one. I would have been thrilled to meet one person this summer who I absolutely loved, but God blessed me with so much more. I hope you all know how much you've changed my life and how much I love you. You people are amazing, and I'm happy to know you exist and that you don't mind wasting some of your time with me. Until you get sick of me, I'm here for you!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Mamma Mia, Yeah I Went Again

Even though I said I wasn't going to watch any more movies for a while, I think I've seen more since that declaration than I've seen in the last couple of years leading up to it combined. And the craziest thing is that I have now seen Mamma Mia four times. That's a little ridiculous, but that movie is so stinking good. And when I say good I mean a very good bad movie. I still can't really believe I've seen it four times, but I love it. And if asked, I would probably go again today, I'm not above that.

I feel like I haven't had time to write much lately, and at the same time I feel like I haven't had much to write about. I've been pretty busy, but nothing epic has happened, and I haven't had any life-changing revelations lately. I think I may just need a couple of days to rest and collect my thoughts. In my compulsive journaling over the years, I have noticed a direct correlation between my mental health and having things to write about. It looks like I'm on auto-pilot right now, and I need to get out of that. When school starts back I'll get enough coasting to last me until next summer, so I'm hoping I will be able to spend some time thinking and reading soon. I just need a small break from life every now and then to keep me sane.

Auto-pilot or otherwise, life is pretty good right now. I've still got some summer left, and I plan on enjoying every last minute of it. Not that school will be a bad thing, it will just be different, and I like things the way they are now. Everything is pretty uncomplicated, and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Home Stretch

I have moved in possibly the slowest fashion ever, but I'm finally hitting that point where I am close to being finished and my mind is at ease. Tonight will be my first night sleeping in Thrailkill, and even though it's a downgrade I'm happy to be here. I really like the room, and I'm looking forward to having other people living on my floor. Alone time in the apartment was nice, but I think this is going to be good. I'm still in the process of figuring where to put all my stuff because I have a lot less space now, but that's the only drawback I've seen so far. Living with other people will present a few more I'm sure, but there will be huge perks to that as well.

And the really good news is that I won't have to move out in a couple of days because I can't afford to go to school. My loans are officially approved, and I'm going to be able to stay! I knew things would be okay, even if the loans hadn't been approved in time, but this is so much more comforting.

Even though the summer isn't over yet, this move makes its coming to a close official. I'm a little sad that things have to change, but I'm also really excited about this year. I've learned a lot about myself this summer, and I'm looking forward to putting that knowledge to good use in a new situation. Sophomore year, here I come!