Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What I really need to be doing is some homework. However, I'm in a really weird spot because it's Tuesday night and I'm in a hotel in Lenoir City. I've never stayed in a hotel alone before, so that's a very new, grown-up kind of experience, and I'm just really tired, but I have so much to do. I should start working on a paper, but I'd rather lay down in this bed that I just spent sixty dollars to sleep in one time. And of course, the later I stay up, the harder it will be to drive home tomorrow; it's still several hours back to Nashville. We'll see if anything gets finished.

Monday, October 27, 2008


I feel like that's the only feeling I have any more. Every time I think it can't get worse it does. But I know I will be fine, and I also know there are much bigger problems in the world than mine. For now, I'm in North Carolina and even though it makes the homework slightly harder to accomplish in time, I know I made the right decision to come. I wouldn't go back and change it for anything.

I have three papers due on Friday. One of the assignments I just got today. I also have several projects to work on, and I don't know when I'm going to fit them in. I've learned this semester to make the decision to be a friend before being a student. I don't think I've found the perfect balance, but I'm getting there. The best part is that those friends are worth it.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I hate to see the people I love hurt. And I also hate that I can do so little to ease the hurt. I get caught up in the things going on in my life and begin to feel overwhelmed, and then something happens to shake that up, and I realize that my busy school schedule is not the most important thing in my life. I just hate that those things have to happen. I wish I could do something to make things better, and I wish there was something I could say, especially since it's so unlike me to be at a loss for words. I don't have those words for you, but you've got my prayers and all my love.

Monday, October 20, 2008

People, Stories, and Obvious Connections

I'm glad I am constantly learning new things about myself, but I have to say I feel like sometimes it's obvious things I learn and life would be easier if I would realize them earlier. Of course, I guess it wouldn't be life if it worked that way.

I realized this weekend the reason I am a literature major. I knew I liked lit, but I never made the connection of why. This weekend, however, I had to do an activity where I wrote about my strengths, passions, and values, and I made possibly the most obvious connection ever. I love to tell stories, I love to hear stories, and I love to read. These came up in all three categories--the strengths, passions, and values--and I realized it all made sense: My life is all about stories! This doesn't seem like a huge revelation, but it was big for me in a way that I'm not yet able to articulate.

I know that God's plan for me, even though it's so unclear in my mind, revolves around people and my relationships with them. I want to love people and be as much like Jesus as I can be in this life, so whether I get a real job or work at Starbucks after college, my life is about people and relating to them. I feel like this is stuff I've known for a while, but I'm trying to figure out what it means for me right now. I realize relationships are not just my future, they are most definitely my present. I'm figuring out what God is trying to show me and learning more about how I relate to people, and it's coming in revelations of the obvious.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Where Do I Go From Here?

I'm enjoying a rare quiet moment, and as usual there's some reflecting to do.

My life has been relatively intense over the last couple of days, and I'm still trying to process everything that's happened. My best friend at Belmont is gone now, and since it just happened I haven't figured out what that means for me yet. I'm not completely in agreement with the reasoning behind her leaving, but I'm trying to be the kind of friend I want to have. I'm trying to understand what's going on, and I'm trying to be supportive even though I don't understand. I wish I knew a way to make things better. I wish she didn't have to hurt.

Things also didn't go the way I would have expected with her leaving. I was a little disappointed with the way it happened, but I can only hope that we'll all come out of this okay on the other end. Things are still so surreal right now that I don't have any concept of the near future, but I'll get there.

Right now I'm just trying to process things. This will all settle down eventually and we'll attain some normalcy, but I'm hoping that will happen sooner rather than later. Right now I'm just a little drained, and I'm praying we'll all feel better soon.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Debate '08!

The break is finally here, and I'm so happy to not feel overwhelmed by my homework. I didn't leave myself much of an actual break though because I'm volunteering for the debate. Small inconveniences or otherwise, I'm super excited that Belmont is hosting the debate, and I'm even more excited to be working with the Commission on Presidential Debates! I worked an 8-hour day today, and it was long but really cool to be so close to such a historic event. I haven't started running into people I recognize yet, but I'm sure I'll get my fill of celebrity (in the news media sense) sightings soon enough.

And speaking of the debate, election day is swiftly approaching, and I'm finding myself unprepared. I don't have a clue who I'm going to vote for. I believe voting is important, and I plan to participate, but I don't know what to do! My indecisive personality shouldn't extend to voting, but so far it's been taking control. I'm finding myself incredibly apathetic about politics, but I also sit here knowing that this election is a big deal. Hopefully I'll have an update soon and I will have figured out who I think should be the next President.

In other news, I just recently learned what ChaCha was in my Bible study on Monday. I am super excited about this site, and I took the test yesterday to become a guide. I love the fact the world moves so quickly that there can be a free service devoted to answering nearly any question that can be asked in a text message. It's a beautiful thing.