The Next Step

I'm no longer a college kid!

I should probably have wrapped this up months ago when I graduated, but I'm here now to say I successfully survived. I didn't even have to forge the diploma!

Now that I've moved on I'm as clueless as I've always been, so I'm off on a new blog journey to keep track of my "adult" life. If you're still interested in joining me on this ride, you can check out yougotadegreenowwhat.wordpress.com.

Thanks for sharing college with me!

The Subject of My Future

I am now barely a college kid with my graduation 32 days away, but I am more in need of saving than ever. So I'll share the words of Jack Burden from Robert Penn Warren's novel All the King's Men:

The subject of my future, as a matter of fact, was one on which I had never cared to dwell. I simply didn't care. I would think that I'd get a job, any kind of a job, and do it and collect my pay and spend the pay and go back to the job on Monday morning, and that would be all. I had no ambitions.

A Case of the Mondays

I'm not gonna lie. When I woke up this morning I was contemplating taking a mental health day. It's not so much that I'm worn out, but burned out would not be an exaggerated description. I'm over my job and longing for the first day of classes when I can cut down on my hours and do something I like.

But I'm trying to stay positive. Most people don't feel a thrill when it's time to come to work on Monday morning, but we all do it and move on. So I'm here, and rather than thinking of this in a "Manic Monday" light I'm trying to keep the Black-Eyed Peas singing the days of the week in the back of my head. Party every day.

If Google Reader is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right

As a student of two languages, I read a lot. While reading for yourself is an enjoyable activity, it seems to be more fulfilling when you can discuss what you've read with other people. This is one of the reasons I love my English literature classes and the main reason I am addicted to Google Reader.

If you're unfamiliar with Google Reader, it is a service of Google that allows you to follow and organize RSS feeds in one place. I keep up with People of Wal Mart, College Candy, my friends' blogs, the entire content of The Huffington Post, and a slew of other sites using Reader, but after sifting through so much information I find I want to share some things with people. If I read something pertinent to a friend I can quickly email it directly to that person and begin a discussion. Or, if I think a post is universally entertaining or interesting I can hit share and anyone who follows my shared items will see and be able to comment.

In a single day I read hundreds of posts (and I'm not exaggerating), and while many are unimportant, some are fascinating. Thanks to Reader I can share the gem of information I just gleaned. Plus, that person doesn't have to read the hundreds of posts because I already picked through them and found the interesting ones.

It's an addicting lifestyle, but one I fully enjoy. What's the point of reading if you never get a chance to discuss what you've learned?

Self-Sitting

If my aversion to children could be removed I think I would be the world's greatest babysitter. This claim is based on the realization that I am my own nanny throughout the summer. It's hard to pinpoint the moment I became my own mother, but at some point it happened.

With a full-time job my life is hyper-structured, and the way I bide my time in all of this is much like a mother with a small child. I know I will not always be occupied at work (I find time for things like writing this post and reading everything on the Huffington Post RSS feed), so I plan for that with my diaper bag, sans diapers of course. Instead of Huggies, my tote bag contains several books, my crochet projects, and any other thing I might be working on that could keep me busy when the internet drops the ball. Along with time-passers I have snacks, the most important thing you can have for a child who needs to be occupied for an entire day.

Like any good mother I also plan playdates for myself, see to it that I'm getting 8 hours of sleep a night, and prepare healthy, balanced meals for myself.

This is all just a part of growing up, but if and when I actually do have kids I should be able to put these things into practice for someone else. Until then I'm just getting lots of practice and trying to avoid tantrums.

So Close, Yet So Far

Two semesters are all that stand between me and my degree, but I have to say that college is really getting in the way of me getting jobs right now. Not that I have experienced a deluge of offers, but this week I have experienced the sadness that comes with turning things down or being so close to eligibility but ultimately unable to receive an offer. Let me explain.

There are these beautiful things in Spain called language institutes where the only qualification for teaching English is to be a native speaker. Thus I am overqualified, considering I study English and almost have a bachelors degree. When offered a chance to work at a camp this summer that could possibly turn into a more long-term job I had to turn it down because I needed to come back to the employer that had already hired me and finish school so that I could actually get my degree before I started paying off my student loans. The other Belmont student who was in Spain with me leaves today for the camp because he was in his last semester while we were in Santiago. Jealousy does not begin to describe what I feel.

But Spain is not the only place where I'm almost needed. A member of my family recently got a job as principal at a high school here in Tennessee and needs to hire a new Spanish teacher. Her one applicant is admittedly not fluent in Spanish and didn't even study it in college. The only thing keeping me from applying: those two semesters I lack. I'm basically 10 months from being qualified. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time.

I realize that this is life and that these jobs will still exist after May 14, 2011. It just hurts so much to be so close and seeing these opportunities to move on with my life that I can't snag just yet. The hopeful part of this: there is confirmed life after graduation.

America the Best Place for Dating?

I just read an article from Glamour.com that said America is the best place for dating. While I understand the things this girl mentions, I can't help but note that the same things apply in Spain and that I had much more luck there than I've ever had here (although my dates were with Saudi Arabians and not Spaniards, which I don't have time to go into and realize could seriously skew my perceptions of dating regardless of the country). We'll take this reason for reason:

1. Good Education
In America, we have to pay (often big bucks) to go to school. In Spain, the public universities were favored over private, and the government leaves little to be covered out of pocket. If you don't go to college there you're one of the minority, and even after finishing your degree you will likely find job-hunting difficult because everyone has a degree, just like you.

2. Reliable Economy
The Spaniards have their own economic crisis, but the country seemed relatively as economically stable as America. Unemployment rates are high both places, and the abundance of free time seems only to be amplified by the siesta (sleep is not required or often taken). So if we're saying that the economy boosts free time for dating, I think Spain wins.

3. So Many Parks
In Nashville we have our fair share of parks, but Santiago was no different. And there every park was within walking distance, eliminating the hassle of getting in the car, which can discourage the trip to the park and allowing more time to walk and talk with your date.

4. Open-Mindedness
Spain does allow gay marriage, and while my Saudis were from a much less open-minded culture, the country in which we found ourselves did not seem to care much about who anyone was dating.

5. Excellent Music
This one might be a win for America. But a good chunk of the music I heard in Spain was American. Plus, with the internet you won't miss out on anything, AND even living in Music City, USA the big artists often skip us on their tours.

So maybe dating in America is better than in some countries (I've only lived in two), but based on these reasons I think I'd choose Spain.

Oooh Yeah, Life Goes On

I have officially (or as of 7:30pm at least) been back in Tennessee for a month. In this month I have worked, had a lot of coffee/breakfast dates with friends, and tried to see my family as much as possible. The beautiful thing is that I've missed out on a few things (like the major flood that tried its hardest to wash away my favorite city), but it's like I never left. People are just as easy to talk to, conversation comes easily, and life here is just like I remember it, up to the obnoxious parents of incoming freshmen that call our office to complain. I'm enjoying what could be my last Nashville summer.

Among the diehard friends that never let me down, the public library has demonstrated its continued fidelity. I quickly updated my list of holds and have been taking advantage of the on-line requests and delivery to my preferred branch. Plus there are several books in Spanish, so while I don't have the beautiful bookstores of Spain with their abundance of Spanish chick lit, I can read Garcia Marquez in the original without the hassle of ordering it on Amazon and having to pay for it.

It's curious how life just continues with or without us. While that can be somewhat depressing and make us wonder what we contribute to a place with our physical presence, it's also comforting to know that things aren't going to fall apart if we step away to do something else. That makes me hopeful for the end of May, when the only thing I know for sure is that I'll be done with school. Where I will live and what I will do is up in the air (and depends heavily on who wants to give me a job), but even if I leave the people who are a huge part of my life we'll all continue living and I don't lose them.

Fully Understanding the Weekend

After living in the eternal weekend known as study abroad going to work has been a challenge. That's old news from my last post, but the contrast of the work day with the weekend makes the weekend so sweet.

I think I had forgotten what it was like to actually need to have time to chill until this past weekend, and when I got that time it was so sweet. I had some quality roommate time with the long-lost (but not forgotten) Kristen who has this thing called homework that I can only interrupt so much during the week as well as a short day of work at the mansion.

I'm hoping this week will be better than last. I would like to attribute my difficulty to the intense relaxation I experienced in Spain, and I think once I Americanize myself a little more (but not too much) I'll hate my life less after an 8-hour work day.

I've been in America for two full weeks. Spain seems like a dream that I had to wake up from, but it's given me things to think about in my future and priorities to change as I inevitably get dragged into living like a real American. Overall I've learned to appreciate my weekends, and I plan to take advantage of every single one.

The 9 to 5

If I were to name one thing as the hardest adjustment I've had to make since I arrived in America I would have to say it's the 40-hour work week. I spent the last five months on a semi-vacation with no job and very little to study, so coming back to angry parents on the phone and entitled incoming freshmen with their housing complaints has been trying.

Like every summer I'm starting off feeling a little exhausted, but I'm sure like every summer I'll get over it and learn to overcome the slight depression caused by my work schedule. Until then I'm just riding out the bajón.

A Taste of Toni

I'm currently reading Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. I've heard great things about her writing, but this is my first taste, and so far she's living up to her reputation. This description of a man's indifference to a woman he's been sleeping with over a long period of time is an example of her ability to relate one feeling to another to help the reader understand better how one character relates to another:

She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it's there, because it can't hurt, and because what difference does it make?

So far so good.

I'm Back in America!

I have officially been stateside for a full week, without a chance to sit down and think about the implications of that until today.

I spent last Sunday at home with my family trying to wrap my head around the fact that the previous day I had been in Santiago, living what feels now like a completely different life. The next day I ate a delicious grandmother-cooked breakfast and headed to Nashville with all my stuff (which had been sitting in boxes in my bedroom at home since I moved out of my last apartment). I got everything inside the new apartment, but until Saturday was incapable of putting it all away; however, this was no bother considering I was back in Nashville and living with Kristen!

Tuesday the real world hit hard; it was time to go back to work. But I do like my office, and it was nice to be back to a normal routine. At least the routine was normal after Wednesday, the day I had to go to court and pay my speeding ticket from the Textravaganza in January. I got to do some birthday celebrating that I'd been looking forward to since before I left, and then on Friday Sarah came to spend the night.

Saturday I was planning to cook dinner with Heather and Sarah, but they tricked me and took me to The Old Spaghetti Factory where a group of friends from home was waiting for me. It was a lovely surprise, and I was caught completely off guard.

Today I slept late and tried to catch up a little. This week has been crazy, but I think I'm settled now for the most part and ready to spend what might be my last summer in Nashville. I make the comment about the last summer because I bought a new planner and while copying the dates from the 2010-2011 academic calendar I realized I actually needed to write down the date of graduation because (unless something goes horribly wrong) it's my graduation date! But I don't want to wish away the next year, so I'm not focusing on that. Instead I'm thinking about the things America will continue to surprise me with right now and the exciting things in my near future.

My writing has suffered in the last semester of Spanish-speaking, and my mental organization has been hit hard by the cascade of recent changes, which is all to apologize for the scattered nature of this post.

Instantes

Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida, en la próxima trataría de cometer más errores. No intentaría ser tan perfecto, me relajaría más. Sería más tonto de lo que he sido, de hecho, tomaría muy pocas cosas con seriedad.

Sería menos higiénico. Correría más riesgos, haría más viajes, contemplaría más atardeceres, subiría más montañas, nadaría más ríos. Iría a más lugares adonde nunca he ido, comería más helados y menos habas, tendría más problemas reales y menos imaginarios.

Yo fui una de esas personas que vivió sensata y prolíficamente cada minuto de su vida; claro que tuve momentos de alegría. Pero si pudiera volver atrás trataría de tener solamente buenos momentos. Por si no lo saben, de eso está hecha la vida, sólo de momentos; no te pierdas el ahora.

Yo era uno de esos que nunca iban a ninguna parte sin termómetro, una bolsa de agua caliente, un paraguas y un paracaídas. Si pudiera volver a vivir, viajaría más liviano.

Si pudiera volver a vivir comenzaría a andar descalzo a principios de la primavera y seguiría así hasta concluir el otoño. Daría más vueltas en calesita, contemplaría más amaneceres y jugaría con más niños, si tuviera otra vez la vida por delante.

Pero ya tengo 85 años y sé que me estoy muriendo.

This is an incredible piece of writing from an unknown author who talks about the things he would do differently if he had the chance to live his life over. He talks about being less focused on perfection and being less careful. He laments the fact that he was often over-prepared and over-worried; he didn't take the risks he wishes now he had taken. If he could do it again, he says he would have more real problems and less imaginary ones. Throughout he talks about what he would do differently, but the last line says, "But I am 85 years old, and I know I am dying."

What I like the most about this is that I'm not 85 years old, and at age 21 I can take a lesson from this writer. The things that seem like monumental occurrences won't matter much in the grand scheme of things. What will matter is the time I've taken to enjoy living. It can all be simplified into one line from Ms. Frizzell on The Magic Schoolbus: "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!"

I'm not gone, just gone to Spain

I've been neglecting this blog I realize, but everything I'm doing right now is here in my Spain blog. I don't think I had the two connected before, so consider yourself re-routed.

He drove twenty miles every day to the university where he taught and twenty miles back every night, but he said he hated the twenty-mile drive and he hated the second-rate university and he hated the morons who attended it. He hated the country and he hated the life he lived; he hated living with his mother and his idiot brother and he hated hearing about the damn dairy and the damn help and the damn broken machinery. But in spite of all he said, he never made any move to leave. He talked about Paris and Rome, but he never went even to Atlanta.

-Flannery O'Connor, "Greenleaf"

I feel like I've met this person who is never happy with his situation but does nothing to change it, and I don't ever want this to be me. Life is too short to only talk about what I think would make me happy while suffering through what is making me unhappy. I want to make the best of every situation and know that if things are bad I can work to change them, while knowing change requires action.

It's fiction, but if ever a paragraph is written about my life I hope the author won't be able to use the word hate so frequently. That's something to strive for: cutting out the hate in my biography.

Five Semesters Down, Three to Go

This has been the weirdest end to a semester ever. I don't like telling people goodbye and knowing that it's a really big farewell. I am looking so forward to going to Spain, but I wish I could have the best of both worlds and just take my American life with me. Immersion, I know.

I was thinking today about the fact that I often feel like my semesters are heavily weighted toward my English major and neglect Spanish. That's because up to this point I've mainly been taking Spanish classes with prerequisites so that I can only take one per semester. Next semester I'm worried I'll forget everything I know about English literature and come back with much-improved Spanish and no ability to write a critical analysis of a text whatsoever. I might even forget how to read books in English (highly doubtful I realize, but these things need to be considered).

The best thing about this exact moment though is how well I slept last night. I wasn't thinking about what assignment I needed to do today and I slept deeper than I have in months. I remembered what I was dreaming about, which for me is the sign of good sleep. I'm knitting and reading the things I want to read (which I was doing before, but now it doesn't stress me out). And so far I am 2 for 2 on A-'s. I hate those minuses, but I realize it could be worse.

I'm currently in limbo, moving out of my apartment to drift for a few weeks and become a squatter in Heather's wonderful new apartment. For almost a month I won't be living anywhere for a full week, but I guess it's all part of the big adventure to come. And I'll be blogging about this adventure here.

Stability is elusive, pero estoy emocionada.

¿Cómo se dice “uh oh”?

I leave for Spain in something like 26 days, and I'm freaking out about the Spanish final I have in just over an hour. It shouldn't be difficult, but reviewing has me thinking I'm going to bomb this test. What good have all my Spanish classes been if I still suck at Spanish? Oh well, at least if I fail I should have all the time in the world to make up for the things I didn't learn in this class when I get to Spain.

This time of the year is becoming very sad thanks to Spain. I'm so excited about going, but this week I've said goodbye to so many people and had to follow it up with, "See you in August." I'm not a fan. Other than the people who will graduate in May, though, I know I'll see everybody when I get back. And at least then I'll have less test anxiety for Spanish classes.

If anyone knows anybody at the Spanish consulate in Houston and can make my visa magically ready that would be awesome. That's one small (or HUGE) thing standing in the way of this trip, but it should all be worked out soon. January 9th is the big day.

Keeping it Light with the Duke Family

My brother apparently has MRSA, a.k.a. a really scary staph infection. He told me this via text message, and the conversation that followed was too representative of the Duke family not to archive here. Enjoy.

Paul: Do you know what MRSA is?
Kindall: Yes.
P: That's what's wrong with my leg.
K: Oh dear. I'm assuming you went to the doctor?
P: Yeah
K: How long should it take to get better?
P: 1-2 weeks. I'm on a lot of antibiotics.
K: Well, don't lose your leg. Although, if you do we could get you a peg and you can be a pirate!
P: Wow. Thanks.
K: I love pirates! And you know I was kidding.
(Dad, who was at home with Paul, jumps in at this point.)
D: I can't believe you want your brother to lose his leg.
K: I didn't say I wanted him to lose it! I just said if he did he would be like a pirate.
D: I'm telling your mom.
P: It hurts bad and looks like a football and I cant walk. It sucks.
K: Can you even go to school?
P: Yeah I guess.
K: Is it your driving leg? I can't remember.
P: Yeah
K: Well at least you'll get to spend time on the couch watching tv. Watch some for me.
P: Ok I'm not looking forward to that but I will
K: You could read.
P: Haha your funny
K: You could even write a book! Paul Duke is a really cool name for an author.
P: Are you high?
K: I just believe in you.
P: Ok then
K: That's what sisters are for!
P: To wish for a peg leg?
K: To believe in you.

Another Year Older

I turned 21 this week and didn't feel any older or any different. I ran 10 miles today and currently feel like I'm 90. I've never been so stiff in my life, and I'm in the process of icing a knee injury. As much as it hurts, I'm so happy to have run the race. This is my second year doing the Team Nashville 10 Miler, and even though I did much worse this year than last, I had fun. I ran the whole thing with my mom, which was pleasant, and I had good friends who tagged along as well.

After the race I tried a pumpkin spice donut from Krispy Kreme, and it was everything I could have hoped for. I highly recommend them, even though I had to run 10 miles to justify eating one. But the eating doesn't stop with the donut, I guess. I'm celebrating my birthday again tonight, since so far only 3 people have been able to make it out with me. I'm looking forward to birthday cake from Sarah and time with good friends I haven't seen much lately.

School is stressful as usual, but life is good.

This breaks my heart. In my perfect little happy world it's like hate crimes don't exist. I forget there are people in the world (although deep down I know I actually know some of these people) that are capable of hurting someone for what seems to me to be a non-issue. What motivates a kid who "got straight A's in school and ran track" to participate in beating another person? Their parents didn't see it coming. The kids themselves probably never thought they were capable of killing someone. But how sad is it that someone could tell CNN, "Hate is part of our culture" and "Even otherwise decent, honorable people can be pulled into it"? What do we do about that? Don't we have bigger things to worry about than what a stranger looks like or where that person is from? What triggers a reaction to start a fight that eventually ends in death?

It all just blows my mind, and more than that, it makes me sad.

²⁹But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" ³⁰Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. ³¹Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. ³²So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. ³⁴He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' ³⁶Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" ³⁷He said, "The one who showed him mercy." And Jesus said to him, "You go, and do likewise."

Luke 10:25-37