I haven't been able to post anything on here in so long because I never have time, and I wish I had time to catch up on everything that has been going on, but even now my time is limited. I wanted to post something on here though because I've been thinking weird things (that isn't a good way to put whatever it is that's going on, but it's all I can come up with, so there it is).
On Sunday, I will have been single for nineteen years. First of all, I realize that sounds very dramatic because I have only been dating age for a few of those years, but when I start thinking, that is the thought, so it is important to have that phrase out in the open. It has never really bothered me before to be single. It's not that I don't want to date or have a boyfriend, it's just that I don't base my life and my success or happiness on whether or not there is a guy in my life. Lately, however, I have just been wishing that I had a guy. I think it's mainly because I have friends who get a lot of phone calls from boyfriends "just to check in" and I want that. I want someone to call or call me every day just to see how things are going. I know I could have a relationship like that with a girl who is a friend, but it's not the same. I also know this shouldn't tear me up like it does, but I think I just want to feel loved. I know there are a lot of people who care about me, but it seems like the boyfriend has the role of making that known constantly. I also tend to idealize relationships because I've never had one, so I'm pretty sure I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should. My life is also free from boy complications which are inevitable, even in good relationships.
I'll be okay, but for now I'm just sulking a little. Someday I will find that guy who calls me just to check up or say hello, and when I do, I know there will be a reason for these nineteen years of singleness, but until then, I'm going to continue knowing that it's okay to be single. I'm not alone by any means, and there are lots of people who love me, so I will be content with that and keep waiting!