He drove twenty miles every day to the university where he taught and twenty miles back every night, but he said he hated the twenty-mile drive and he hated the second-rate university and he hated the morons who attended it. He hated the country and he hated the life he lived; he hated living with his mother and his idiot brother and he hated hearing about the damn dairy and the damn help and the damn broken machinery. But in spite of all he said, he never made any move to leave. He talked about Paris and Rome, but he never went even to Atlanta.

-Flannery O'Connor, "Greenleaf"

I feel like I've met this person who is never happy with his situation but does nothing to change it, and I don't ever want this to be me. Life is too short to only talk about what I think would make me happy while suffering through what is making me unhappy. I want to make the best of every situation and know that if things are bad I can work to change them, while knowing change requires action.

It's fiction, but if ever a paragraph is written about my life I hope the author won't be able to use the word hate so frequently. That's something to strive for: cutting out the hate in my biography.

Five Semesters Down, Three to Go

This has been the weirdest end to a semester ever. I don't like telling people goodbye and knowing that it's a really big farewell. I am looking so forward to going to Spain, but I wish I could have the best of both worlds and just take my American life with me. Immersion, I know.

I was thinking today about the fact that I often feel like my semesters are heavily weighted toward my English major and neglect Spanish. That's because up to this point I've mainly been taking Spanish classes with prerequisites so that I can only take one per semester. Next semester I'm worried I'll forget everything I know about English literature and come back with much-improved Spanish and no ability to write a critical analysis of a text whatsoever. I might even forget how to read books in English (highly doubtful I realize, but these things need to be considered).

The best thing about this exact moment though is how well I slept last night. I wasn't thinking about what assignment I needed to do today and I slept deeper than I have in months. I remembered what I was dreaming about, which for me is the sign of good sleep. I'm knitting and reading the things I want to read (which I was doing before, but now it doesn't stress me out). And so far I am 2 for 2 on A-'s. I hate those minuses, but I realize it could be worse.

I'm currently in limbo, moving out of my apartment to drift for a few weeks and become a squatter in Heather's wonderful new apartment. For almost a month I won't be living anywhere for a full week, but I guess it's all part of the big adventure to come. And I'll be blogging about this adventure here.

Stability is elusive, pero estoy emocionada.

¿Cómo se dice “uh oh”?

I leave for Spain in something like 26 days, and I'm freaking out about the Spanish final I have in just over an hour. It shouldn't be difficult, but reviewing has me thinking I'm going to bomb this test. What good have all my Spanish classes been if I still suck at Spanish? Oh well, at least if I fail I should have all the time in the world to make up for the things I didn't learn in this class when I get to Spain.

This time of the year is becoming very sad thanks to Spain. I'm so excited about going, but this week I've said goodbye to so many people and had to follow it up with, "See you in August." I'm not a fan. Other than the people who will graduate in May, though, I know I'll see everybody when I get back. And at least then I'll have less test anxiety for Spanish classes.

If anyone knows anybody at the Spanish consulate in Houston and can make my visa magically ready that would be awesome. That's one small (or HUGE) thing standing in the way of this trip, but it should all be worked out soon. January 9th is the big day.

Keeping it Light with the Duke Family

My brother apparently has MRSA, a.k.a. a really scary staph infection. He told me this via text message, and the conversation that followed was too representative of the Duke family not to archive here. Enjoy.

Paul: Do you know what MRSA is?
Kindall: Yes.
P: That's what's wrong with my leg.
K: Oh dear. I'm assuming you went to the doctor?
P: Yeah
K: How long should it take to get better?
P: 1-2 weeks. I'm on a lot of antibiotics.
K: Well, don't lose your leg. Although, if you do we could get you a peg and you can be a pirate!
P: Wow. Thanks.
K: I love pirates! And you know I was kidding.
(Dad, who was at home with Paul, jumps in at this point.)
D: I can't believe you want your brother to lose his leg.
K: I didn't say I wanted him to lose it! I just said if he did he would be like a pirate.
D: I'm telling your mom.
P: It hurts bad and looks like a football and I cant walk. It sucks.
K: Can you even go to school?
P: Yeah I guess.
K: Is it your driving leg? I can't remember.
P: Yeah
K: Well at least you'll get to spend time on the couch watching tv. Watch some for me.
P: Ok I'm not looking forward to that but I will
K: You could read.
P: Haha your funny
K: You could even write a book! Paul Duke is a really cool name for an author.
P: Are you high?
K: I just believe in you.
P: Ok then
K: That's what sisters are for!
P: To wish for a peg leg?
K: To believe in you.

Another Year Older

I turned 21 this week and didn't feel any older or any different. I ran 10 miles today and currently feel like I'm 90. I've never been so stiff in my life, and I'm in the process of icing a knee injury. As much as it hurts, I'm so happy to have run the race. This is my second year doing the Team Nashville 10 Miler, and even though I did much worse this year than last, I had fun. I ran the whole thing with my mom, which was pleasant, and I had good friends who tagged along as well.

After the race I tried a pumpkin spice donut from Krispy Kreme, and it was everything I could have hoped for. I highly recommend them, even though I had to run 10 miles to justify eating one. But the eating doesn't stop with the donut, I guess. I'm celebrating my birthday again tonight, since so far only 3 people have been able to make it out with me. I'm looking forward to birthday cake from Sarah and time with good friends I haven't seen much lately.

School is stressful as usual, but life is good.

This breaks my heart. In my perfect little happy world it's like hate crimes don't exist. I forget there are people in the world (although deep down I know I actually know some of these people) that are capable of hurting someone for what seems to me to be a non-issue. What motivates a kid who "got straight A's in school and ran track" to participate in beating another person? Their parents didn't see it coming. The kids themselves probably never thought they were capable of killing someone. But how sad is it that someone could tell CNN, "Hate is part of our culture" and "Even otherwise decent, honorable people can be pulled into it"? What do we do about that? Don't we have bigger things to worry about than what a stranger looks like or where that person is from? What triggers a reaction to start a fight that eventually ends in death?

It all just blows my mind, and more than that, it makes me sad.

²⁹But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" ³⁰Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. ³¹Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. ³²So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. ³⁴He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' ³⁶Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" ³⁷He said, "The one who showed him mercy." And Jesus said to him, "You go, and do likewise."

Luke 10:25-37

and by all accounts you really should've died.

This past weekend was awesome with serenades from Andrew Bird and Relient K, but it proved to be a huge strain on my productivity which made the week unpleasant for a couple of days. But something has the world working in my favor, and I was given the unexpected gift of a reprieve Monday and Tuesday. Monday night my class got out super early which gave me time to work on Tuesday's assignments, and the class I was going to skip Tuesday morning was cancelled. I wasn't sure how I would make it to Wednesday, but here I am. Thank you powers that be for easing up on me.

In other news, a spider bit me and I finally had to seek medical attention Monday. I'm almost cured now, but I was really hoping for cool super hero powers to accompany the large red spot on my neck. Also, covering up a spider bite feels like covering up a hickey, and I just don't like feeling slutty when I'm not.

Tomorrow they take my wisdom teeth, so fall break will be spent medicated. We'll see if I feel like I've had a break by next week or if I just won't remember the gap between today and the return to school.

And what has me most excited/scared out of my mind because things are happening so fast? I'm going to be in Spain in less than 3 months. I can't even explain the gravity of that thought.