Beloved

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
The lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

-Tenth Avenue North

It Ends Tonight

Tonight is my last night at home, and as usual leaving is a bittersweet experience. I have found supreme enjoyment in sleeping a little later and avoiding stress for the last few weeks. I've also had some of my best friends within easy reach and quick access to family time. Of course, I've really missed some people from Belmont and the spontaneity that comes with living in the same building as or within a few minutes of many of my friends. I'm not begging for the homework or the 20 or so novels I'll be reading this semester, but being back in Nashville will have its perks.

The break has been good, and I feel refreshed. I won't go as far as saying I'm ready for the semester ahead, but I'm more open to it than I was a month ago.

For Once No News is Good News

Usually my lack of time to write means I've been living the high-stress life, but I'm delighted to say that has not been the case on this beautiful and most welcome break. I've been keeping busy, but I don't mind so much when that means reading, knitting, spending time with friends, and watching almost the entire (yes, all 5 hours) VH1 Top 100 Hard Rock Songs countdown with my mom followed by What Not to Wear, the TLC Miss America thingy, and Heavy: The Story of Metal. Mom and I had a metal marathon on VH1 last night filled with big hair, spandex, and trashy men. We followed that up with This is Spinal Tap tonight, and tomorrow she will be watching the premiere of Rock of Love Bus with me. I've also finally been able to watch football for the first time all season. Although it seems my entire break has been spent in front of the TV, I would like to say that most of this happened in a 7-hour span last night and I have been much more productive than it sounds. I've been able to run a little, although I've had to take it easy and then I got the cold to kill all colds and had to lay off. I'm almost over the cold now and may try to get in a run tomorrow. If I can keep the tendons in my foot happy, I'll be running the Tom King half-marathon in March, but I'm not calling that a definite for at least a couple of weeks. My dentist told me I have great teeth and I can cut my retainer-wearing time in half (and I know that's too much information, but it makes me happy)! I've also gotten to see a little more of the people I love, and that has been one of the highlights of my time off. There are some people in my life who it seems like I'll always be able to pick up where I left of with, and I'm so glad to know that. Seeing them, however, has got me really missing some Nashville people. I wish I could just quit school, work at Starbucks, and live in a community populated by people I select, but seeing as that will not be possible any time in the near future (or maybe ever, but I'm an optimist) I am content to split my time and my friends between schools and states and countries and therefore more fully enjoy every second I spend with them. To make a long story short on the break, it's been good.

God and I are in the middle of an interesting conversation and I'm curious to see where it's going. I'm questioning a lot and feeling some things out, and he's letting me exercise that freewill. It's been uncomfortable at points but also so comforting to know more about who God is and what it means in my life that he is real and personal. I'm hoping to have some updates on this in the future.

Breaks are awesome. Life is good.

A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning

This is my second Christmas break from college experience where I have to say goodbye to people I spend all my time with for about a month. I remember it being hard last year, but this year it has an extra-special heart-wrenching quality. Kristen came to visit this weekend, and today she and Rebecca both left. It's so weird to think that neither of them will be a part of my next semester at Belmont. Of course, they will both still be my friends, and we'll keep in touch, but I haven't fully grasped the concept of neither of them being around and in the next room anymore.

This is a somewhat surreal experience, but I know it will all be okay. Kristen is coming back, and Rebecca has not escaped our friendship! Now we just have to make a little more effort. I hope you two know how much you mean to me and how much I've enjoyed living near you guys and hanging out for a year and a half. Don't forget about me when you're on SNL and working for a record label. Come get your coffee from my Starbucks every now and then!

And this poem is heavy on the romance, but I feel like it has some relevance here because space can be overcome.

A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
by John Donne

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
The breath goes now, and some say, no:

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move,
'Twere profanation of our joys,
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of the earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did and meant.
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love, so much refined
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two:
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth if the other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must
Like the other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end, where I begun.

You guys have been the highlight of my college experience so far.

A Rare Political Post

I rarely express opinions about politics, and I'm fairly apathetic about a lot of policies. I have my beliefs and I vote, but I'm not one to push people very far. That said, I found a cause I believe in enough that I'm actually willing to get involved. So this is one small way for me to share it, and if you feel the same way, I hope you'll vote.

Nashville is holding a special election to eliminate the use of any non-English language by Metro government. I think this is a horrible policy for several reasons. First, it does nothing to make people learn English, it just makes it harder for people who are in transition and learning English to do anything in the city. It doesn't do anything to stop illegal immigration either, which is the angle the people pushing this are taking. What it does do is change the way we treat immigrants. While I think people should make the effort to learn English, I understand that learning a new language takes time. This would make Nashville a city that has zero compassion for people who are trying to improve their quality of life. This isn't about immigration. This policy perpetuates racism and hate by affirming the close-minded people who believe they are superior because they happened to learn English first.

I don't want to go off on a political rant because it's just not my style. But if you live in Nashville (especially my Belmont friends) and you want it to be a compassionate city, register to vote in Nashville and vote against English Only. And if you want more information about English Only, you can find it here.

This is pushing the line about as far as I want to go because I still don't like politics or pointing people out and saying I know better, but here is an article from the Nashville Scene about the councilman who is pushing this.

No More Class!

This semester seems like it's been ridiculous compared to the last. Instead of much Brett Michaels and Celebrity Rehab watching, I've done nothing but read and write. I realize that's what I do, but I really enjoyed that slacker second semester of freshman year. The scary thing is it's only going to be worst next semester. The two literature classes I'm taking are going to be brutal, but at least I like to read!

I still need to take some time to think about all that's happened this semester (which may not happen until after finals). I feel like what I've learned this semester is how hard it is to spend time with the people I love when things get busy. People I love is such a huge phrase because this semester it's been my family, my friends, and sadly God. It's basically everyone in my life, and I feel like I've neglected them all at some point.

So even though this hasn't been sorted out yet, I'm looking ahead and trying to see how I will apply this recognition of my neglectful tendencies in the future.

Where Did the Focus Go?

Not that I've been super focused all semester, but I feel like I'm having more trouble focusing than ever at this point. I think it might be because I'm so over school at this point that I can't bring myself to do my homework. I was finally able to have some time to relax and I would have been able to prolong that if I had done just a little homework, but instead I managed to get behind and lose a lot of sleep. Oh well, two more days of class and then all I've got to suffer through is finals until January. The break will be beautiful.

And on another note, I need to get this out. I've complained in the past about being single and the feeling that it would never go away, but I can say that lately I've had some people who seem to be showing interest who I would like to escape from. Really, I am super content with being single right now. And honestly, I don't want to have to turn people down, but I'm just not interested. It's like the right guy isn't ever around at the right time. Oh well, I guess I can be flattered by the interest and honest about my desire to stay single for now. That was random, but whatever.