Where Did the Focus Go?

Not that I've been super focused all semester, but I feel like I'm having more trouble focusing than ever at this point. I think it might be because I'm so over school at this point that I can't bring myself to do my homework. I was finally able to have some time to relax and I would have been able to prolong that if I had done just a little homework, but instead I managed to get behind and lose a lot of sleep. Oh well, two more days of class and then all I've got to suffer through is finals until January. The break will be beautiful.

And on another note, I need to get this out. I've complained in the past about being single and the feeling that it would never go away, but I can say that lately I've had some people who seem to be showing interest who I would like to escape from. Really, I am super content with being single right now. And honestly, I don't want to have to turn people down, but I'm just not interested. It's like the right guy isn't ever around at the right time. Oh well, I guess I can be flattered by the interest and honest about my desire to stay single for now. That was random, but whatever.

Why Home is So Much Sweeter

I think I discovered over the break why I have been so much more attached to home lately. Part of it is the fact that I didn't go home this summer. After that I felt more of a need to go home and see my family as much as possible because I neglected them a little this summer. More than that, though, I think the fact that I've gone home a couple of times recently has had a huge impact, especially since my two closest Belmont friends will soon be gone. I still have lots of friends here in Nashville (and if you read my blog, you're most likely one of them), but I think there is a part of me that is resisting change. When I went home, I was reminded that those friendships I cared about in high school are still there. My best friends in Gainesboro haven't left, so I feel like that won't change. There is stability at home because those friends aren't going anywhere and neither is my family.

This is coming across sounding worse than it actually is. I don't have a huge complex about Kristen and Rebecca leaving, I just have this natural pull toward home that hasn't been there in the past. I'm glad to know I have that stability at home, but I'm not discounting all of you here in Nashville. I hope you all know that you are wonderful friends whom I love and feel so blessed to know. And I hope that this simply means we will have more time together and I will get to know you all better. God has been really faithful with the friends he's placed in my life, and I know he shuffles them around for a reason. It's good to know why home has such an appeal and that those friends will always be there, but I also love Nashville, and I know every friend I have isn't leaving. So to those of you who are here, thank you. And even though home is so nice, I have a lot going for me in both places.

I am learning that I love to have conversations with people I don't know very well. People who know me would point out that I have always loved that, but lately I've been able to recognize when these conversations are happening, and I love it. I have had the chance to talk to some really wonderful people who I've known for a while but never had a chance to get past much more than a "Hello, how's class?" It's been enlightening, and I hope those people know that their company was much appreciated.

I'm so impressed with the wide range of personalities God created. I forget sometimes that we're all different. But when I remember it, it makes me really happy.

Running and Reflecting

I ran the Team Nashville 10-Miler yesterday, and I found it interesting the things that come to mind when you're running ten miles. I didn't have many distractions because I was running at a pace where there were very few people--somewhere between the really slow people and the fast ones--so I got to see a lot of the scenery. When all you're doing is running, it's amazing the time you have to yourself. I had time to reflect on my semester and how stressed I've been lately. I remembered running with specific people, including every little tip they gave me. I even remembered my dad teaching me to drive and telling me to straighten out the curves on our country roads. So much to think about for an hour and a half.

It occurred to me that all these things I remembered while I was running had something in common: the people who were right beside me when these things were happening. My semester has been stressful, but it's also been awesome. I've kept my old friends (something not everyone does year two of college), and I've made some fantastic new friends. As busy as I've been I have had people to share my busyness with, and they make it worth it. And as for the people I've been running with, there have been so many and I feel like they were the only thing keeping me accountable. I didn't want to let them down now that they've been kind enough to slow themselves down to my pace and constantly offer advice. Not to mention, they've given up a good deal of time to go on longer runs with me. It's been a blast getting to know them, and I can only hope we continue running together. In both of those categories is Rebecca, who got up before the sun yesterday and was standing at the finish line. That meant more than I think she'll ever know. Dad's driving directions reminded me of the amazing parents I have. Mom ran the race with me yesterday, and Dad came to cheer us on. I have been so blessed to have great parents who love me and love each other. I'm so happy that we still find things to do together even though I'm not living at home.

The race was a good experience, and I feel like I got more out of it than exercise and a keychain. I learned something about myself yesterday that I haven't fully processed, but from what I've got so far, there are some really great people in my life. I hope they know how much they are loved and appreciated.

What I really need to be doing is some homework. However, I'm in a really weird spot because it's Tuesday night and I'm in a hotel in Lenoir City. I've never stayed in a hotel alone before, so that's a very new, grown-up kind of experience, and I'm just really tired, but I have so much to do. I should start working on a paper, but I'd rather lay down in this bed that I just spent sixty dollars to sleep in one time. And of course, the later I stay up, the harder it will be to drive home tomorrow; it's still several hours back to Nashville. We'll see if anything gets finished.

Overwhelmed

I feel like that's the only feeling I have any more. Every time I think it can't get worse it does. But I know I will be fine, and I also know there are much bigger problems in the world than mine. For now, I'm in North Carolina and even though it makes the homework slightly harder to accomplish in time, I know I made the right decision to come. I wouldn't go back and change it for anything.

I have three papers due on Friday. One of the assignments I just got today. I also have several projects to work on, and I don't know when I'm going to fit them in. I've learned this semester to make the decision to be a friend before being a student. I don't think I've found the perfect balance, but I'm getting there. The best part is that those friends are worth it.

I hate to see the people I love hurt. And I also hate that I can do so little to ease the hurt. I get caught up in the things going on in my life and begin to feel overwhelmed, and then something happens to shake that up, and I realize that my busy school schedule is not the most important thing in my life. I just hate that those things have to happen. I wish I could do something to make things better, and I wish there was something I could say, especially since it's so unlike me to be at a loss for words. I don't have those words for you, but you've got my prayers and all my love.