People, Stories, and Obvious Connections

I'm glad I am constantly learning new things about myself, but I have to say I feel like sometimes it's obvious things I learn and life would be easier if I would realize them earlier. Of course, I guess it wouldn't be life if it worked that way.

I realized this weekend the reason I am a literature major. I knew I liked lit, but I never made the connection of why. This weekend, however, I had to do an activity where I wrote about my strengths, passions, and values, and I made possibly the most obvious connection ever. I love to tell stories, I love to hear stories, and I love to read. These came up in all three categories--the strengths, passions, and values--and I realized it all made sense: My life is all about stories! This doesn't seem like a huge revelation, but it was big for me in a way that I'm not yet able to articulate.

I know that God's plan for me, even though it's so unclear in my mind, revolves around people and my relationships with them. I want to love people and be as much like Jesus as I can be in this life, so whether I get a real job or work at Starbucks after college, my life is about people and relating to them. I feel like this is stuff I've known for a while, but I'm trying to figure out what it means for me right now. I realize relationships are not just my future, they are most definitely my present. I'm figuring out what God is trying to show me and learning more about how I relate to people, and it's coming in revelations of the obvious.

Where Do I Go From Here?

I'm enjoying a rare quiet moment, and as usual there's some reflecting to do.

My life has been relatively intense over the last couple of days, and I'm still trying to process everything that's happened. My best friend at Belmont is gone now, and since it just happened I haven't figured out what that means for me yet. I'm not completely in agreement with the reasoning behind her leaving, but I'm trying to be the kind of friend I want to have. I'm trying to understand what's going on, and I'm trying to be supportive even though I don't understand. I wish I knew a way to make things better. I wish she didn't have to hurt.

Things also didn't go the way I would have expected with her leaving. I was a little disappointed with the way it happened, but I can only hope that we'll all come out of this okay on the other end. Things are still so surreal right now that I don't have any concept of the near future, but I'll get there.

Right now I'm just trying to process things. This will all settle down eventually and we'll attain some normalcy, but I'm hoping that will happen sooner rather than later. Right now I'm just a little drained, and I'm praying we'll all feel better soon.

Debate '08!

The break is finally here, and I'm so happy to not feel overwhelmed by my homework. I didn't leave myself much of an actual break though because I'm volunteering for the debate. Small inconveniences or otherwise, I'm super excited that Belmont is hosting the debate, and I'm even more excited to be working with the Commission on Presidential Debates! I worked an 8-hour day today, and it was long but really cool to be so close to such a historic event. I haven't started running into people I recognize yet, but I'm sure I'll get my fill of celebrity (in the news media sense) sightings soon enough.

And speaking of the debate, election day is swiftly approaching, and I'm finding myself unprepared. I don't have a clue who I'm going to vote for. I believe voting is important, and I plan to participate, but I don't know what to do! My indecisive personality shouldn't extend to voting, but so far it's been taking control. I'm finding myself incredibly apathetic about politics, but I also sit here knowing that this election is a big deal. Hopefully I'll have an update soon and I will have figured out who I think should be the next President.

In other news, I just recently learned what ChaCha was in my Bible study on Monday. I am super excited about this site, and I took the test yesterday to become a guide. I love the fact the world moves so quickly that there can be a free service devoted to answering nearly any question that can be asked in a text message. It's a beautiful thing.

One Peaceful Moment in the Midst of the Chaos

It feels like it's been forever since I've had enough time to sit still and do anything, and I'm really happy for the break. So far this year has been packed full of stuff to do--mainly homework. I'm still learning how to make myself schedule fun things to do, and I'm also figuring out how to get the me time I know I need (except the answer to that lies in getting up super early). It has been a great semester so far, even with so much to do.

Today I'm going to the park with some of the girls in my SLA Bible study. I'm super excited about spending some time with them in a non-leader capacity. I hope to get to know a little more about them because they seem like a fantastic group. I'm so happy I get to work with them this semester!

Overall, things are good. I'm learning to deal with a crazy schedule, and I feel like I'm being stretched. And so far I think stretching is a good thing, but if I break, I may rethink this.

My Musical Devolution

I am slightly overwhelmed with homework right now, so I'm blogging to make it all go away. I am already aware of how successful I will be, but I'm going to blog anyway.

I've met a lot of new people in the last couple of weeks, and I've been asked the typical Belmont question: right after what is your name? and what is your major? comes what kind of music do you like? While this shouldn't be a hard question to answer, I've been having a little more trouble than I ever have in the past, and I'm just now noticing this and trying to figure out why.

It's funny that before I came to Belmont, where everyone is constantly listening to something, I was very similar to everyone else here. I wanted to work in radio, I looked into majoring in music business, and I was actively listening to everything I could get my hands on. I've changed a lot though since those mid-high school years, and I feel like I'm so musically ignorant now. I was convicted about what I listened to two or three years ago, and it's interesting that when God revamped what I was listening to, he also changed my desire to listen. That's not to say that I don't love music now. I still listen to quite a bit, and I still believe music is fantastic, I have just become passive in my listening. I no longer seek out music, but I take what finds me. I still enjoy it, but I'm not obsessed.

As for the question of what I listen to, I'm not really sure. I'm still obnoxiously fond of Relient K, and I have my other favorites--Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, ABBA, and others--but it's weird that when asked what I like nothing comes to mind. What's even more weird is that I'm okay with that. I may never fit in as a Belmont kid, but that doesn't bother me, and as long as I am still able to appreciate music and musical talent, I'm content with being the weird girl who listens to whatever. I'm just so thankful that when music had become the thing I worshiped God didn't just ask me to give it up. He asked me to take a step in that direction, and then he changed my heart. I'm so thankful to know that he doesn't ask the impossible, he makes it possible!

It's Been One Week

Today made for exactly one week in school. I think I've finally adjusted to this newly re-discovered idea that Belmont is where I take classes instead of just where I live, but it took some time. As for those classes, I really like them. I have a ton of work to do this semester, but I feel like I'm going to learn valuable things. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time this semester. Instead I feel like I'm being challenged to know what I believe and why, as well as what I don't believe and why. I'm also learning to think about the world differently than I ever have before. That's a little scary, but I really like it. And in the classes that aren't having a profound impact on the way I think, I still feel like I'll be able to use what I learn. It's an amazing breakthrough to feel like school is doing me some good. I feel like my money isn't being wasted. And no matter where I go after this semester, here or elsewhere, I know that life is good, and I feel like I will have grown some more. I wonder if there's ever a time when I'll stop growing. And if I do, will that be okay with me?

I still feel slightly overwhelmed with all my work, but I know I'll be fine. My main goal is to not lose the important things. I know what should have top priority in my life, and I want to keep it in that position. All this growing does me no good if I don't stay spiritually and mentally healthy. I'm working on keeping my head above water and doing so in a way that keeps me even from beginning to sink. I don't want to crack mid-semester.

And for an interesting update on my life: I'm running ten miles on November 1st. That's kind of epic for me, and I go back and forth from being excited about it to worried that I won't ever be able to do it. I've got a goal to work towards though, and I'm looking forward to seeing it accomplished. 59 days to go!

Retreat

The University Ministries retreat this weekend was probably the first camp-like excursion I've ever been on that actually felt like a retreat in the true sense of the word. Even though I've gotten away from everyday life with groups from church several times in the past, I've never actually had the chance to personally retreat. This weekend, however, I was able to take some time off from the world and even from other people. The focus wasn't team-building exercises, nor was it constant preaching. Instead, I got to spend some time with God--about 8 hours of just us.

It was a really interesting experience because I don't ever have the time to just sit and be with God. I also don't usually have the attention span to sit around and listen to what God has to say. But this weekend, God found me right where I was and it was good. I was able to pray in a very passive way and allow him to do the talking.

I've only been in school for three days, and I'm already beginning to feel the overwhelming stress. My classes this semester require a good deal of reading and writing (as if I didn't do enough of that anyway in past semesters), and I have that feeling of having so much to do and so little time in which to do it all. I know it's going to be okay, though. I feel like I need the constant reassurance that things will work out, and this weekend I got that assurance. Of all the things I read this weekend there are two passages that stick out:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:33-34

and

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6

While this semester seems overwhelming at the moment, I know that God will be in it. All I have to do is go about my life while seeking God first. If I do that, I won't have to worry about tomorrow. And I feel like right now there is so much uncertainty in my life. I still don't know if I'm supposed to stay at Belmont, and I've been led to the point where I will at least be researching other schools this semester. But whatever happens, I will be seeking God and making that my first priority.

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19:7-11

He has a lot of work to do in me still, but I know that he'll keep working up until the day he calls me home.