Someone Please Save This College Kid

The Next Step

2011-10-19T14:32:00.003-05:00

I'm no longer a college kid!

I should probably have wrapped this up months ago when I graduated, but I'm here now to say I successfully survived. I didn't even have to forge the diploma!

Now that I've moved on I'm as clueless as I've always been, so I'm off on a new blog journey to keep track of my "adult" life. If you're still interested in joining me on this ride, you can check out yougotadegreenowwhat.wordpress.com.

Thanks for sharing college with me!

The Subject of My Future

2011-04-12T15:40:00.003-05:00

I am now barely a college kid with my graduation 32 days away, but I am more in need of saving than ever. So I'll share the words of Jack Burden from Robert Penn Warren's novel All the King's Men:

The subject of my future, as a matter of fact, was one on which I had never cared to dwell. I simply didn't care. I would think that I'd get a job, any kind of a job, and do it and collect my pay and spend the pay and go back to the job on Monday morning, and that would be all. I had no ambitions.

A Case of the Mondays

2010-08-09T08:41:00.002-05:00

I'm not gonna lie. When I woke up this morning I was contemplating taking a mental health day. It's not so much that I'm worn out, but burned out would not be an exaggerated description. I'm over my job and longing for the first day of classes when I can cut down on my hours and do something I like.

But I'm trying to stay positive. Most people don't feel a thrill when it's time to come to work on Monday morning, but we all do it and move on. So I'm here, and rather than thinking of this in a "Manic Monday" light I'm trying to keep the Black-Eyed Peas singing the days of the week in the back of my head. Party every day.

If Google Reader is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right

2010-08-05T14:58:00.005-05:00

As a student of two languages, I read a lot. While reading for yourself is an enjoyable activity, it seems to be more fulfilling when you can discuss what you've read with other people. This is one of the reasons I love my English literature classes and the main reason I am addicted to Google Reader.

If you're unfamiliar with Google Reader, it is a service of Google that allows you to follow and organize RSS feeds in one place. I keep up with People of Wal Mart, College Candy, my friends' blogs, the entire content of The Huffington Post, and a slew of other sites using Reader, but after sifting through so much information I find I want to share some things with people. If I read something pertinent to a friend I can quickly email it directly to that person and begin a discussion. Or, if I think a post is universally entertaining or interesting I can hit share and anyone who follows my shared items will see and be able to comment.

In a single day I read hundreds of posts (and I'm not exaggerating), and while many are unimportant, some are fascinating. Thanks to Reader I can share the gem of information I just gleaned. Plus, that person doesn't have to read the hundreds of posts because I already picked through them and found the interesting ones.

It's an addicting lifestyle, but one I fully enjoy. What's the point of reading if you never get a chance to discuss what you've learned?

Self-Sitting

2010-07-29T12:04:00.003-05:00

If my aversion to children could be removed I think I would be the world's greatest babysitter. This claim is based on the realization that I am my own nanny throughout the summer. It's hard to pinpoint the moment I became my own mother, but at some point it happened.

With a full-time job my life is hyper-structured, and the way I bide my time in all of this is much like a mother with a small child. I know I will not always be occupied at work (I find time for things like writing this post and reading everything on the Huffington Post RSS feed), so I plan for that with my diaper bag, sans diapers of course. Instead of Huggies, my tote bag contains several books, my crochet projects, and any other thing I might be working on that could keep me busy when the internet drops the ball. Along with time-passers I have snacks, the most important thing you can have for a child who needs to be occupied for an entire day.

Like any good mother I also plan playdates for myself, see to it that I'm getting 8 hours of sleep a night, and prepare healthy, balanced meals for myself.

This is all just a part of growing up, but if and when I actually do have kids I should be able to put these things into practice for someone else. Until then I'm just getting lots of practice and trying to avoid tantrums.

So Close, Yet So Far

2010-07-14T08:50:00.003-05:00

Two semesters are all that stand between me and my degree, but I have to say that college is really getting in the way of me getting jobs right now. Not that I have experienced a deluge of offers, but this week I have experienced the sadness that comes with turning things down or being so close to eligibility but ultimately unable to receive an offer. Let me explain.

There are these beautiful things in Spain called language institutes where the only qualification for teaching English is to be a native speaker. Thus I am overqualified, considering I study English and almost have a bachelors degree. When offered a chance to work at a camp this summer that could possibly turn into a more long-term job I had to turn it down because I needed to come back to the employer that had already hired me and finish school so that I could actually get my degree before I started paying off my student loans. The other Belmont student who was in Spain with me leaves today for the camp because he was in his last semester while we were in Santiago. Jealousy does not begin to describe what I feel.

But Spain is not the only place where I'm almost needed. A member of my family recently got a job as principal at a high school here in Tennessee and needs to hire a new Spanish teacher. Her one applicant is admittedly not fluent in Spanish and didn't even study it in college. The only thing keeping me from applying: those two semesters I lack. I'm basically 10 months from being qualified. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time.

I realize that this is life and that these jobs will still exist after May 14, 2011. It just hurts so much to be so close and seeing these opportunities to move on with my life that I can't snag just yet. The hopeful part of this: there is confirmed life after graduation.

America the Best Place for Dating?

2010-07-09T13:02:00.004-05:00

I just read an article from Glamour.com that said America is the best place for dating. While I understand the things this girl mentions, I can't help but note that the same things apply in Spain and that I had much more luck there than I've ever had here (although my dates were with Saudi Arabians and not Spaniards, which I don't have time to go into and realize could seriously skew my perceptions of dating regardless of the country). We'll take this reason for reason:

1. Good Education
In America, we have to pay (often big bucks) to go to school. In Spain, the public universities were favored over private, and the government leaves little to be covered out of pocket. If you don't go to college there you're one of the minority, and even after finishing your degree you will likely find job-hunting difficult because everyone has a degree, just like you.

2. Reliable Economy
The Spaniards have their own economic crisis, but the country seemed relatively as economically stable as America. Unemployment rates are high both places, and the abundance of free time seems only to be amplified by the siesta (sleep is not required or often taken). So if we're saying that the economy boosts free time for dating, I think Spain wins.

3. So Many Parks
In Nashville we have our fair share of parks, but Santiago was no different. And there every park was within walking distance, eliminating the hassle of getting in the car, which can discourage the trip to the park and allowing more time to walk and talk with your date.

4. Open-Mindedness
Spain does allow gay marriage, and while my Saudis were from a much less open-minded culture, the country in which we found ourselves did not seem to care much about who anyone was dating.

5. Excellent Music
This one might be a win for America. But a good chunk of the music I heard in Spain was American. Plus, with the internet you won't miss out on anything, AND even living in Music City, USA the big artists often skip us on their tours.

So maybe dating in America is better than in some countries (I've only lived in two), but based on these reasons I think I'd choose Spain.

Oooh Yeah, Life Goes On

2010-06-29T08:24:00.004-05:00

I have officially (or as of 7:30pm at least) been back in Tennessee for a month. In this month I have worked, had a lot of coffee/breakfast dates with friends, and tried to see my family as much as possible. The beautiful thing is that I've missed out on a few things (like the major flood that tried its hardest to wash away my favorite city), but it's like I never left. People are just as easy to talk to, conversation comes easily, and life here is just like I remember it, up to the obnoxious parents of incoming freshmen that call our office to complain. I'm enjoying what could be my last Nashville summer.

Among the diehard friends that never let me down, the public library has demonstrated its continued fidelity. I quickly updated my list of holds and have been taking advantage of the on-line requests and delivery to my preferred branch. Plus there are several books in Spanish, so while I don't have the beautiful bookstores of Spain with their abundance of Spanish chick lit, I can read Garcia Marquez in the original without the hassle of ordering it on Amazon and having to pay for it.

It's curious how life just continues with or without us. While that can be somewhat depressing and make us wonder what we contribute to a place with our physical presence, it's also comforting to know that things aren't going to fall apart if we step away to do something else. That makes me hopeful for the end of May, when the only thing I know for sure is that I'll be done with school. Where I will live and what I will do is up in the air (and depends heavily on who wants to give me a job), but even if I leave the people who are a huge part of my life we'll all continue living and I don't lose them.

Fully Understanding the Weekend

2010-06-14T20:20:00.004-05:00

After living in the eternal weekend known as study abroad going to work has been a challenge. That's old news from my last post, but the contrast of the work day with the weekend makes the weekend so sweet.

I think I had forgotten what it was like to actually need to have time to chill until this past weekend, and when I got that time it was so sweet. I had some quality roommate time with the long-lost (but not forgotten) Kristen who has this thing called homework that I can only interrupt so much during the week as well as a short day of work at the mansion.

I'm hoping this week will be better than last. I would like to attribute my difficulty to the intense relaxation I experienced in Spain, and I think once I Americanize myself a little more (but not too much) I'll hate my life less after an 8-hour work day.

I've been in America for two full weeks. Spain seems like a dream that I had to wake up from, but it's given me things to think about in my future and priorities to change as I inevitably get dragged into living like a real American. Overall I've learned to appreciate my weekends, and I plan to take advantage of every single one.

The 9 to 5

2010-06-11T22:52:00.003-05:00

If I were to name one thing as the hardest adjustment I've had to make since I arrived in America I would have to say it's the 40-hour work week. I spent the last five months on a semi-vacation with no job and very little to study, so coming back to angry parents on the phone and entitled incoming freshmen with their housing complaints has been trying.

Like every summer I'm starting off feeling a little exhausted, but I'm sure like every summer I'll get over it and learn to overcome the slight depression caused by my work schedule. Until then I'm just riding out the bajón.

A Taste of Toni

2010-06-08T08:55:00.004-05:00

I'm currently reading Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. I've heard great things about her writing, but this is my first taste, and so far she's living up to her reputation. This description of a man's indifference to a woman he's been sleeping with over a long period of time is an example of her ability to relate one feeling to another to help the reader understand better how one character relates to another:

She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it's there, because it can't hurt, and because what difference does it make?

So far so good.

I'm Back in America!

2010-06-06T16:33:00.002-05:00

I have officially been stateside for a full week, without a chance to sit down and think about the implications of that until today.

I spent last Sunday at home with my family trying to wrap my head around the fact that the previous day I had been in Santiago, living what feels now like a completely different life. The next day I ate a delicious grandmother-cooked breakfast and headed to Nashville with all my stuff (which had been sitting in boxes in my bedroom at home since I moved out of my last apartment). I got everything inside the new apartment, but until Saturday was incapable of putting it all away; however, this was no bother considering I was back in Nashville and living with Kristen!

Tuesday the real world hit hard; it was time to go back to work. But I do like my office, and it was nice to be back to a normal routine. At least the routine was normal after Wednesday, the day I had to go to court and pay my speeding ticket from the Textravaganza in January. I got to do some birthday celebrating that I'd been looking forward to since before I left, and then on Friday Sarah came to spend the night.

Saturday I was planning to cook dinner with Heather and Sarah, but they tricked me and took me to The Old Spaghetti Factory where a group of friends from home was waiting for me. It was a lovely surprise, and I was caught completely off guard.

Today I slept late and tried to catch up a little. This week has been crazy, but I think I'm settled now for the most part and ready to spend what might be my last summer in Nashville. I make the comment about the last summer because I bought a new planner and while copying the dates from the 2010-2011 academic calendar I realized I actually needed to write down the date of graduation because (unless something goes horribly wrong) it's my graduation date! But I don't want to wish away the next year, so I'm not focusing on that. Instead I'm thinking about the things America will continue to surprise me with right now and the exciting things in my near future.

My writing has suffered in the last semester of Spanish-speaking, and my mental organization has been hit hard by the cascade of recent changes, which is all to apologize for the scattered nature of this post.

Instantes

2010-02-24T14:20:00.003-06:00

Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida, en la próxima trataría de cometer más errores. No intentaría ser tan perfecto, me relajaría más. Sería más tonto de lo que he sido, de hecho, tomaría muy pocas cosas con seriedad.

Sería menos higiénico. Correría más riesgos, haría más viajes, contemplaría más atardeceres, subiría más montañas, nadaría más ríos. Iría a más lugares adonde nunca he ido, comería más helados y menos habas, tendría más problemas reales y menos imaginarios.

Yo fui una de esas personas que vivió sensata y prolíficamente cada minuto de su vida; claro que tuve momentos de alegría. Pero si pudiera volver atrás trataría de tener solamente buenos momentos. Por si no lo saben, de eso está hecha la vida, sólo de momentos; no te pierdas el ahora.

Yo era uno de esos que nunca iban a ninguna parte sin termómetro, una bolsa de agua caliente, un paraguas y un paracaídas. Si pudiera volver a vivir, viajaría más liviano.

Si pudiera volver a vivir comenzaría a andar descalzo a principios de la primavera y seguiría así hasta concluir el otoño. Daría más vueltas en calesita, contemplaría más amaneceres y jugaría con más niños, si tuviera otra vez la vida por delante.

Pero ya tengo 85 años y sé que me estoy muriendo.

This is an incredible piece of writing from an unknown author who talks about the things he would do differently if he had the chance to live his life over. He talks about being less focused on perfection and being less careful. He laments the fact that he was often over-prepared and over-worried; he didn't take the risks he wishes now he had taken. If he could do it again, he says he would have more real problems and less imaginary ones. Throughout he talks about what he would do differently, but the last line says, "But I am 85 years old, and I know I am dying."

What I like the most about this is that I'm not 85 years old, and at age 21 I can take a lesson from this writer. The things that seem like monumental occurrences won't matter much in the grand scheme of things. What will matter is the time I've taken to enjoy living. It can all be simplified into one line from Ms. Frizzell on The Magic Schoolbus: "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!"

I'm not gone, just gone to Spain

2010-01-31T14:20:00.001-06:00

I've been neglecting this blog I realize, but everything I'm doing right now is here in my Spain blog. I don't think I had the two connected before, so consider yourself re-routed.

2009-12-30T13:06:00.004-06:00

He drove twenty miles every day to the university where he taught and twenty miles back every night, but he said he hated the twenty-mile drive and he hated the second-rate university and he hated the morons who attended it. He hated the country and he hated the life he lived; he hated living with his mother and his idiot brother and he hated hearing about the damn dairy and the damn help and the damn broken machinery. But in spite of all he said, he never made any move to leave. He talked about Paris and Rome, but he never went even to Atlanta.

-Flannery O'Connor, "Greenleaf"

I feel like I've met this person who is never happy with his situation but does nothing to change it, and I don't ever want this to be me. Life is too short to only talk about what I think would make me happy while suffering through what is making me unhappy. I want to make the best of every situation and know that if things are bad I can work to change them, while knowing change requires action.

It's fiction, but if ever a paragraph is written about my life I hope the author won't be able to use the word hate so frequently. That's something to strive for: cutting out the hate in my biography.

Five Semesters Down, Three to Go

2009-12-16T22:52:00.006-06:00

This has been the weirdest end to a semester ever. I don't like telling people goodbye and knowing that it's a really big farewell. I am looking so forward to going to Spain, but I wish I could have the best of both worlds and just take my American life with me. Immersion, I know.

I was thinking today about the fact that I often feel like my semesters are heavily weighted toward my English major and neglect Spanish. That's because up to this point I've mainly been taking Spanish classes with prerequisites so that I can only take one per semester. Next semester I'm worried I'll forget everything I know about English literature and come back with much-improved Spanish and no ability to write a critical analysis of a text whatsoever. I might even forget how to read books in English (highly doubtful I realize, but these things need to be considered).

The best thing about this exact moment though is how well I slept last night. I wasn't thinking about what assignment I needed to do today and I slept deeper than I have in months. I remembered what I was dreaming about, which for me is the sign of good sleep. I'm knitting and reading the things I want to read (which I was doing before, but now it doesn't stress me out). And so far I am 2 for 2 on A-'s. I hate those minuses, but I realize it could be worse.

I'm currently in limbo, moving out of my apartment to drift for a few weeks and become a squatter in Heather's wonderful new apartment. For almost a month I won't be living anywhere for a full week, but I guess it's all part of the big adventure to come. And I'll be blogging about this adventure here.

Stability is elusive, pero estoy emocionada.

¿Cómo se dice “uh oh”?

2009-12-14T12:49:00.002-06:00

I leave for Spain in something like 26 days, and I'm freaking out about the Spanish final I have in just over an hour. It shouldn't be difficult, but reviewing has me thinking I'm going to bomb this test. What good have all my Spanish classes been if I still suck at Spanish? Oh well, at least if I fail I should have all the time in the world to make up for the things I didn't learn in this class when I get to Spain.

This time of the year is becoming very sad thanks to Spain. I'm so excited about going, but this week I've said goodbye to so many people and had to follow it up with, "See you in August." I'm not a fan. Other than the people who will graduate in May, though, I know I'll see everybody when I get back. And at least then I'll have less test anxiety for Spanish classes.

If anyone knows anybody at the Spanish consulate in Houston and can make my visa magically ready that would be awesome. That's one small (or HUGE) thing standing in the way of this trip, but it should all be worked out soon. January 9th is the big day.

Keeping it Light with the Duke Family

2009-12-07T16:14:00.002-06:00

My brother apparently has MRSA, a.k.a. a really scary staph infection. He told me this via text message, and the conversation that followed was too representative of the Duke family not to archive here. Enjoy.

Paul: Do you know what MRSA is?
Kindall: Yes.
P: That's what's wrong with my leg.
K: Oh dear. I'm assuming you went to the doctor?
P: Yeah
K: How long should it take to get better?
P: 1-2 weeks. I'm on a lot of antibiotics.
K: Well, don't lose your leg. Although, if you do we could get you a peg and you can be a pirate!
P: Wow. Thanks.
K: I love pirates! And you know I was kidding.
(Dad, who was at home with Paul, jumps in at this point.)
D: I can't believe you want your brother to lose his leg.
K: I didn't say I wanted him to lose it! I just said if he did he would be like a pirate.
D: I'm telling your mom.
P: It hurts bad and looks like a football and I cant walk. It sucks.
K: Can you even go to school?
P: Yeah I guess.
K: Is it your driving leg? I can't remember.
P: Yeah
K: Well at least you'll get to spend time on the couch watching tv. Watch some for me.
P: Ok I'm not looking forward to that but I will
K: You could read.
P: Haha your funny
K: You could even write a book! Paul Duke is a really cool name for an author.
P: Are you high?
K: I just believe in you.
P: Ok then
K: That's what sisters are for!
P: To wish for a peg leg?
K: To believe in you.

Another Year Older

2009-11-14T12:08:00.002-06:00

I turned 21 this week and didn't feel any older or any different. I ran 10 miles today and currently feel like I'm 90. I've never been so stiff in my life, and I'm in the process of icing a knee injury. As much as it hurts, I'm so happy to have run the race. This is my second year doing the Team Nashville 10 Miler, and even though I did much worse this year than last, I had fun. I ran the whole thing with my mom, which was pleasant, and I had good friends who tagged along as well.

After the race I tried a pumpkin spice donut from Krispy Kreme, and it was everything I could have hoped for. I highly recommend them, even though I had to run 10 miles to justify eating one. But the eating doesn't stop with the donut, I guess. I'm celebrating my birthday again tonight, since so far only 3 people have been able to make it out with me. I'm looking forward to birthday cake from Sarah and time with good friends I haven't seen much lately.

School is stressful as usual, but life is good.

2009-10-22T23:00:00.002-05:00

This breaks my heart. In my perfect little happy world it's like hate crimes don't exist. I forget there are people in the world (although deep down I know I actually know some of these people) that are capable of hurting someone for what seems to me to be a non-issue. What motivates a kid who "got straight A's in school and ran track" to participate in beating another person? Their parents didn't see it coming. The kids themselves probably never thought they were capable of killing someone. But how sad is it that someone could tell CNN, "Hate is part of our culture" and "Even otherwise decent, honorable people can be pulled into it"? What do we do about that? Don't we have bigger things to worry about than what a stranger looks like or where that person is from? What triggers a reaction to start a fight that eventually ends in death?

It all just blows my mind, and more than that, it makes me sad.

²⁹But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" ³⁰Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. ³¹Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. ³²So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. ³⁴He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' ³⁶Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" ³⁷He said, "The one who showed him mercy." And Jesus said to him, "You go, and do likewise."

Luke 10:25-37

and by all accounts you really should've died.

2009-10-14T08:34:00.004-05:00

This past weekend was awesome with serenades from Andrew Bird and Relient K, but it proved to be a huge strain on my productivity which made the week unpleasant for a couple of days. But something has the world working in my favor, and I was given the unexpected gift of a reprieve Monday and Tuesday. Monday night my class got out super early which gave me time to work on Tuesday's assignments, and the class I was going to skip Tuesday morning was cancelled. I wasn't sure how I would make it to Wednesday, but here I am. Thank you powers that be for easing up on me.

In other news, a spider bit me and I finally had to seek medical attention Monday. I'm almost cured now, but I was really hoping for cool super hero powers to accompany the large red spot on my neck. Also, covering up a spider bite feels like covering up a hickey, and I just don't like feeling slutty when I'm not.

Tomorrow they take my wisdom teeth, so fall break will be spent medicated. We'll see if I feel like I've had a break by next week or if I just won't remember the gap between today and the return to school.

And what has me most excited/scared out of my mind because things are happening so fast? I'm going to be in Spain in less than 3 months. I can't even explain the gravity of that thought.

10 Things I'd Rather Do

2009-09-24T14:11:00.007-05:00

I'm back for the second time today after a month of silence; try not to overdose. I skipped my speech class thinking a) I didn't really want to go and b) I might actually do something productive, like start the paper I have due tomorrow. My intentions were good, but as usual my productivity was low. I made a Letterman-esque top 10 list of things I'd rather do than write this paper.

10. Facebook stalk. This is the fall back option, but it never seems to get old. I've really enjoyed looking at the old high school group lately and seeing who's married and who's become a parent.

9. Bake something. I've been craving chocolate, and my domestic side wants to wear an apron. Why do I need to write papers if I can cook? I'll just find a husband who makes lots of money and is willing to share it with me in exchange for dinner on the table every night. Who cares if I'm taking giant leaps backwards in the fight for women's rights?

8. Read the next Stephanie Plum novel. I got hooked on Janet Evanovich's books this summer, but school has really thrown a wrench in my progress. I'm working on Seven Up right now, and I would really like to know what's going to happen with Stephanie and Ranger.

7. Go to work for cookie day. I'm supposed to go to work after class, and I wouldn't normally be looking forward to it, but today is special. Today is cookie day. Everyone made cookies and brought them to share, and I know there are some delicious treats waiting for me at work. If that doesn't make you want to go in early, check your pulse.

6. Write a book. Being averse to paper writing doesn't mean I have something against writing all together. I've always wanted to write a novel that includes characters suspiciously similar to people I've met, but there never seems to be time. Working on the book could be good practice for that paper I'm not doing.

5. Plan a trip to Idaho. I still can't explain my fascination with this state, but I need to go and find out if I really like it. Also, I requested grad school info from Boise State, so why not take a campus visit? Of course, if I don't write this paper and fail this class my grad school prospects could be limited.

4. Truth tables. I am a self-proclaimed math hater, but for some reason I just love truth tables. Luckily my Math 1080 professor is happy to assign them for homework. I could sit for hours and just fill in T's and F's. I realize this probably says something about me and my compulsive habits, but I just like those things.

3. Listen to "Forget and Not Slow Down" on repeat. Relient K's new album comes out on October 6, but their first single is already out. I can't wait to hear the whole album. And on October 11, you'll find me at Rocketown singing along to the glory that is RK.

2. Set up my fantasy football team. I'm undefeated in one league and have a 1-1 record in the other. Week three looks promising, but there's nothing wrong with obsessing a little more about who I'm going to play and deciding if I need to negotiate a few trades.

1. Read Matt Thiessen's tweets. He doesn't just write songs well. The guy can work miracles with 140 characters. I recommend reading and following: www.twitter.com/matthewthiessen.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Pig?

2009-09-24T08:43:00.002-05:00

Rather than being afraid of the big bad wolf, the world is in a tizzy about the little pig--swine flu. I realize this stuff has killed people, and I'm not discounting it, but why are we becoming hysterical? Swine flu is the flu. It's a different strain, but the flu changes every year anyway, which is why we have to update the shot. The point is, why are we freaking out about it? It's just flu. Don't the crazy people realize they should have been taking the same precautions (everything in moderation of course) for years to avoid every other strain of flu which, by the way, can also kill you? Wash your hands, stay home when you're sick, and maybe get the vaccine, but feel free to continue to do these things when swine flu is no longer trendy.

Now I will probably get swine flu and die from it as punishment for my skepticism, but for real people, calm down.

Can We Stop Here for a While?

2009-08-29T21:18:00.002-05:00

Oh, school. I've missed having my weekends to myself and not having to share them with homework. Today was less than eventful, but I am starting the semester off on the right foot by staying caught up. I also made great strides in finishing my study abroad application so that I can officially be going to Spain rather than just thinking and talking about it.

At this point it's hard to gauge what kind of free time I will have. I was hoping that dropping the honors program would have a positive impact on my leisure activities, but so far I don't have a solid read on all my classes and the amount of work that will be required. It has hit me that I'm half way finished, mostly because I'm planning to be gone next semester and therefore am on 1 of my last 3 semesters on Belmont's campus. Weird. When you break it down to number of semesters it gets a little scary because the real world is lurking behind that last one.

Speaking of the real world, I'm taking a seminar for junior English majors that's all about finding jobs. The first day of that was enough to put some fear in me. It's not really acceptable to tell people you want to work at Starbucks after they equip you to get a real job. I'm hoping those questions about the future are as hard for some of the other students to answer as they are for me. Why can't college just be a permanent thing? I just want to learn forever and never let my student loan debt come up for repayment.

The positive thing I've noticed so far: junior year is hands down the best. You know more people on campus than you will know at any other time because you know the people above and below you, for the most part your friends haven't all graduated, and for the first time you're finally comfortable with college and being yourself. I would be a junior forever if that were possible.

Here's to a new semester with its own experiences, assignments, and crises.

Summer Reading

2009-08-19T14:10:00.005-05:00

Summer reading lists are always a pleasant way to pass the class-free months, and a normal person would make that list at the beginning of the summer. I, however, do not like to set myself up for failure, so for posterity's sake and possibly your reading pleasure I have compiled a list of the books I've actually read this summer that might prove helpful in the future if you prefer to work from a list rather than make your own. The links will take you to Amazon where you can read a description of the book and buy it if you just can't wait until next summer to read it. I'm not critiquing them in-depth, so don't expect a full-scale review, or even summary (that's why I linked them to Amazon). While I enjoyed some more than others, I think they're all worth reading.

The Pirates Daughter: A Novel by Margaret Cezair-Thompson
I didn't know who Errol Flynn was before this book, but that knowledge isn't necessary for full enjoyment. Read his Wikipedia page, then dig into this book. It's not about swashbuckling seamen, but it is set in Jamaica.

Ancient Highway: A Novel by Bret Lott
You get the same old Hollywood feeling from this book as Cezair-Thompson's. I've raved about Bret Lott before. I think he's wonderful, and I think you should read about these three generations so heavily impacted by the movies.

The Difference Between Women and Men: Stories by Brett Lott
I just couldn't get enough of this guy after I started reading. This is a collection of his short stories. I'm not so big on short stories because they make you think too hard when it seems like they should be so simple, but I really like the way he writes, and it's worth trying to figure out where he's going.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck
This book is nothing but beautiful. After I finished I wanted to read it again so I could have some more time to soak up the story.

Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
This one is not as plot-driven as East of Eden, but every character is fascinating. Even if you're unconcerned with his social criticism, you'll enjoy getting to meet Steinbeck's characters.

Jewel by Bret Lott
Obviously there was something about Bret Lott that kept me coming back for more. This is the one Oprah liked, but don't let that influence your decision either way! I wrote a little more about this one here.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle: A Novel by Haruki Murakami
Murakami keeps the brain on its toes. I really like his work even if I finish the book with a ton of questions.

The Stephanie Plum Series by Janet Evanovich
These books are hilarious. I have finished the first 6 in the series so far, and I can't stop. Stephanie Plum is a female bounty hunter who hasn't quite got the job figured out yet, and the people she meets make her life (and the reader's) much more interesting.

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
Make sure you have an edition with the 21st chapter and read Burgess' introduction explaining its initial removal. The dialect he comes up with is difficult to read, but the book itself is very funny. It will make you think, too.

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
This one disturbs me a little, but it's definitely worth a read. There's some very well-done humor as well.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy
I'm not into post-apocalyptic literature, so this one is not at the top of my list; however, I did enjoy this book overall, and it's a very quick read. Now I need to check out the movie.

The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
I don't know what I expected when my friend told me to read this book, but whatever it was I got something different. This one is a quick read, and I can't say I loved the end, but I do think it was worthwhile. This one is also a movie, and I just put it on my Netflix queue, so we'll see how that goes.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2009-08-19T13:58:00.002-05:00

and I'm not talking about the impending school year. It's almost time for fantasy football!

I started playing fantasy football in high school in the statistics club (if you think we did anything else with statistics you're all too confident in public education), and I fell in love. I wasn't much of a football fan until I found a way to make every single game worth watching. Whether it's my favorite team playing or not, I want to know what's going on in the entire NFL because I have a stake in how well the players are doing. Some would argue this causes fans to cheer for a specific player rather than a team and subtracts from the football-watching experience, but I say why not have a reason to watch every game? I'm sure the television networks don't hate it either.

The preseason is already under way, and I'm hoping watching football will help me survive this school year. To be honest, I'm still having trouble looking forward to classes starting; summer has just been all too comfortable.

Career-Minded

2009-08-11T08:56:00.004-05:00

It may appear I have dropped off the blogging universe, but it's tough work reading every book I want to read before school starts. Speaking of school, it's swiftly approaching, and I'm just not ready for it. Last night I moved into my new apartment which makes summer's end seem a little more real, but I still have a couple weeks to enjoy before the next marathon semester begins. And now that I'm not in the honors program, maybe it will be more fun and less work. A girl can dream.

Although I haven't been very consistent, I learned this morning that Online Schools put my blog on a list of 100 Best Blogs for Career-Minded Students. I never thought of myself as career-minded, but I guess if you are the things I write might be helpful (at the very least in a what-not-to-do sense). Either way, I appreciate the shoutout.

Lessons from Risky Business

2009-07-31T08:26:00.001-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, I finally got around to watching Risky Business, and I picked up a few life lessons from young Tom Cruise:

Don't trust a ho.
I didn't dream big enough when my parents left me home alone.
I didn't need more extra curriculars and a higher ACT/SAT score for Princeton, but I should have started running a brothel.
Tom Cruise has lost all credibility (if I had any doubt).
If you sink a Porsche in a lake repairs won't take long, and your brothel will more than cover the cost.
Stay away from guys named Guido.
My grandparents must not have loved me because I never got a huge savings bond.
I don't like the name Lana.
My brother isn't the only teenage boy with an abundance of idiot friends.
Never trust a ho.

It's Like I Just Put My Brain in a Locker

2009-07-27T20:09:00.003-05:00

I recently finished reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami. It was a good read, and 600 pages felt like nothing because Murakami is nothing short of entrancing when he writes. It takes no effort to do the reading, but his books will really make you think as you try to figure out what the heck is going on.

I came across this passage that I feel sums up my frustrations at certain points in my life. I don't feel this way currently, but I'm recording this so that in the future I will have Murakami's much more eloquent words to describe my feelings:

Lately, it's really been bothering me that, I don't know, the way people work like this every day from morning to night is kind of weird. Hasn't it ever struck you as strange? I mean, all I do here is do the work that my bosses tell me to do the way they tell me to do it. I don't have to think at all. It's like I just put my brain in a locker before I start work and pick it up on the way home. I spend seven hours a day at a workbench, planting hairs into wig bases, then I eat dinner in the cafeteria, take a bath, and of course I have to sleep, like everybody else, so out of a twenty-four-hour day, the amount of free time I have is like nothing. And because I'm so tired from work, the "free time" I have I mostly spend lying around in a fog. I don't have any time to sit and think about anything. Of course, I don't have to work on weekends, but then I have to do the laundry and cleaning I've let go, and sometimes I go into town, and before I know it the weekend is over. I once made up my mind to keep a diary, but I had nothing to write, so I quit after a week. I mean, I just do the same thing over and over again, day in, day out.

I'm not so burned out right now that I feel this way, but I know I have those days when school and work have been less than intellectually stimulating and I feel like I'm caught up in this cycle, so I'm saving May Kasahara's words for those days.

Jewel

2009-07-20T08:59:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading Jewel by Bret Lott. A few months ago he came to speak at Belmont, and I've just gotten around to reading his work in the last few weeks. I was impressed with Ancient Highway and a collection of his short stories, but Jewel is absolutely incredible. It is the story of a woman whose last child is born with Down's Syndrome. You see her struggling to see God working in her hardships and trying to love all of her children the best she can. She attempts to provide her daughter Brenda Kay the life the doctors tell her she will never have, and she tries to hold her family together in the process.

If and when I have a family of my own I would like to re-read this book because I don't think I can fully understand having children, wanting the best for them, and then having to let them go as they grow up. I may not be able to understand it, but Lott found the perspective to write about it. The book was written from Jewel's perspective, and all I could think was, He makes me believe a woman is writing this. I never once questioned the thought process because it was so much like a woman's. Impressive to say the least.

This book was so good, and I recommend it no matter what walk of life. Male, female, married, single, children or not this book speaks on family dynamics we've all experienced, and it gives perspective to those we have not and may never experience. Plus, it's beautifully written. Read it.

She whispered, "It happens to all of us one day," her words so quiet I had to hold my breath to hear. "Your momma and daddy leave you at some point, and then you are on your own. Everyone ends up an orphan. Even me. I been an orphan since I was born."

On a completely unrelated note, our recent Tennessee weather has been beautiful. If I were able to plan it, I wouldn't have done this well because I would think that would be asking too much. Also, 24 hours at home with the family was a blessing. It feels good to take a mini-vacation to the middle of nowhere.

Humanity

2009-07-09T12:13:00.002-05:00

As a Tennesse Titans fan, I'm of course sad to hear about the death of Steve McNair. I, like many others here in Tennessee, think he was a great guy who did a lot for Nashville, and I had been looking forward to eating at his new restaurant in the hopes that there might be a chance to see him and some other Titans around when I went. Although I respect him, I think it's incredible that people are so quickly forgiving him for the affair that would literally be the death of him. It's not that I believe we should judge him more harshly; he was a human being who made mistakes, and he lived his life in a way that overshadowed the affair, for which I respect him. However, it makes me wonder what it is that makes him different. Most public figures would be treated differently in the same situation. We are not quick to overlook extra-marital affairs.

I'm with the people who say we should overlook it and remember him as a man who loved his wife and children, but I also hope we can remember that about other celebrities who make mistakes. We have a double standard, and it doesn't seem fair to only say nice things about McNair while we make fun of Michael Jackson postmortem (disclaimer: I do not in any way consider these two men to be in the same category) for the sketchier things he was involved in.

This case is also a reminder to me that I want to live in a way that after I die people will acknowledge my flaws (as much as I would like to claim perfection I am not delusional enough to believe I have obtained it) but celebrate my life much more so. What kind of impact do I make on the people in my life? Is it positive enough that they will forgive the negatives?

Wait and See

2009-07-07T11:28:00.003-05:00

Sometimes there are situations you just know you're meant to be in. If I get the job for which I am currently being considered, I will know it was destined to happen because I have several strikes against me.

For one thing, I already have a full-time 8-4:30 job. This employer knows that, and it's possible I will be able to work for him anyway. There is also a second job he knows nothing about, but because I schedule my own hours there I know I can omit that information and just take less hours if he decides he wants me. Of course, he would understandably be wary of hiring me seeing as I have other commitments. If he wasn't worried about me when he learned that information, I know he is skeptical now because he got my voicemail this morning where my disgruntled answering machine "Ursula" complained about having to take his message. I was not looking for a third job and therefore felt no need to change my voicemail message for potential employers, but this caught me slightly off guard. His first response was, "After hearing your message, I'm not sure I want you to call me back."

If I were to get this job, it would be a miracle. There is very little other than a recommendation from a professor working in my favor; however, if I get it I will know this job was somehow, for some reason, meant to be mine. Thankfully, I don't need this job to survive, and I don't have to weigh my decision to take it or not. If he offers, I will take it because it's just too crazy not to believe there's a plan somewhere, and if he doesn't offer I will know this is not one of those meant-to-be situations. We'll see.

Eh, Eh

2009-07-05T23:15:00.002-05:00

My independence weekend in North Carolina could not have been better. It was so good to see Kristen again. Even though we only see each other on rare occasions, it feels like we can always pick up where we left off, and I'm so glad it works that way. I enjoyed a few days of playing video games, eating anything and everything I could find that was unique to the NC, and finding Cheerwine wherever I looked.

On top of time with Kristen, I got a good 12 hours of alone time on the car trips. It's amazing how nice 6 hours in a car can be. I had myself and my music, and it gave me a chance to air out my thoughts. Hopefully this week will be less weird than last for my mood. Also, my car got 39.75 miles per gallon on this trip--one more reason I love the Saturn.

As soon as I come down from this coffee high I'll rest up for the first full week I've worked in a while. I'm hoping good things will come from this week. I'm not expecting specifics, and it may just be the coffee talking, but I feel like it's going to be a good week. Stay tuned to see if that prophecy is correct.

All Apologies

2009-07-01T14:24:00.002-05:00

I don't mean to offend people, and I don't mean to be obnoxious or annoying, but I can be and do those things sometimes. To those who put up with that personality trait of mine, I'm sorry, and thanks for dealing with me. I mean well, or at least I think I do, and if that's what I think isn't that the sign that my intentions are good? I know good intentions aren't enough, but I have to ask you to bear with me. I'm not trying to, and I'll try hard not to.

Limbo

2009-07-01T10:44:00.003-05:00

Last week's vacation was refreshing, and now I'm gearing up for a second chunk of time away from the real world. I'm leaving tomorrow to spend the holiday weekend in North Carolina with Kristen. I can't wait because it feels like it's been forever since I talked to her, and I'm also looking forward to ending this work week at 4:30 today. It will be hard to function when I get back and only work full weeks until school starts, but I'll gladly take my two half-weeks.

Since I came back to Nashville I've been in a weird mood, and I'm not sure how to describe it; it's somewhere between feeling anti-social and needy. While I can't describe it, I think the perfect remedy was a long talk last night with Jessica, who I also have not seen enough of lately. We had gyros at Mediterranean Cuisine (which could not have been more perfect), and then we spent about 3 hours at Starbucks. It was fantastic.

Whatever is influencing me, it's got me listening to a station seeded to Poker Face on Pandora, and I'm not sure how I feel about a need for Lady Gaga in my life. Oh well, here's to being back on vacation in less than 24 hours!

Ready to Vacate

2009-06-22T13:53:00.003-05:00

How sweet it is to know I only have to work two days this week. Even sweeter is the family vacation that comes on Wednesday. I won't say I'm looking forward to spending two days at Six Flags in the heat sandwiched in-between two long car rides with my family, but I am looking forward to the family. As much as I love Nashville, I also love every interaction with the dysfunctional group of people I know and love in Gainesboro. My resolution is to look through the heat and remember who I'm with, and hopefully that will squelch complaints.

The heat makes it hard to forget it's summer time, but just like at Six Flags, I have to remember how happy I really am. I'm surrounded by people I love, I'm in a city I adore, and my life is good. Good doesn't quite do justice to my peaceful, easy feeling, but it will suffice.

Llena Mi Vida de Tu Amor

2009-06-15T09:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was feeling a little burned out and tired. After I spent the morning in church I made a quick run through the McDonald's drive through on my way to work at the mansion. When I got off work I had about an hour and a half before I was supposed to go to La Iglesia de Dios Hispana with Carlos. My heart wasn't really in it because I just wanted to sit down for a minute and not think about anything, but I had a great experience the last time I went, and I also didn't want to cancel.

It seems the coolest things happen when we aren't expecting them, and even though I went half-heartedly God showed up full-force. I have trouble figuring out in my own mind what it is about going to a church service conducted in Spanish that makes the experience so incredible; I love to hear almost anything in Spanish, but the novelty isn't the draw. Perhaps it's the fact that I am reminded God is bigger than the English language. I know what kind of impact God has on my own life, but I forget that the rest of the world was spoken into existence by a God who considers all of us his. My faith connects me to a broad range of people all over the world praising a God who understands every word and every heart. I love language and words, but language is not enough to encompass all God is, and God is not limited by language barriers.

I am limited by language, and I can't quite explain this experience in English or Spanish. What I can say is Gracias, Senor.

It's Quiet . . .

2009-06-13T17:17:00.002-05:00

. . . too quiet, perhaps?

In this case, no news is good news. I haven't been writing because things are calm on the home-front. There was some excitement today: Josh came to visit, and we waited at Grimeys so I could get tickets to see Andrew Bird at the Ryman in October! I feel somewhat like a bad friend for making him wait with me even though he's not going to the concert, but it's Andrew Bird. We also had crepes and coffee at The Perch and fit in trips to Book Man Book Woman and The Great Escape. We condensed a lot of stuff into a small amount of time, but we have shiny new (for us anyway) books and cds to show for it.

I love weekends when I'm not ruining outings by prioritizing assignments. It's 73 days until school starts, and I plan to enjoy every homework-free minute.

A Sigh of Contentment

2009-06-04T10:25:00.002-05:00

The routine of my life is still too good to believe. Every night seems to have it's small variation that's just enough to keep me from being bored; I made dinner one night this week (and with the exception of trying to cut off my finger it was a success), last night we had free root beer floats from Sonic and then watched Donnie Darko. The movie was the first of our Netflix movies, and so far we are very happy with the Netflix service. It shouldn't be so easy to get any movie we want to see within a couple of days, and for the first two weeks it's free! Pandora has also been providing endless amusement lately because like Netflix it doesn't provide instant gratification, but it comes so close. I made a Tina Turner station yesterday that has since been named Female Empowerment Radio, and today I'm listening to the glory that is 90's country.

Tonight is game night, and I'm excited about it. It seems to be turning into a different kind of thing where more people come, but it's pretty cool because the people coming tonight don't really know each other, so game night continues to serve the function of making friends.

Life is good.

We've Only Got One-Third

2009-05-28T15:26:00.003-05:00

Filling out my timesheet just now I realized for every three days, I work one. And as Erin pointed out, sleeping eight hours means I'm also unconscious for one-third of my life. That means I have about eight hours every day to live without working or sleeping, and that calls to mind the epic question of what am I doing with my one day out of every three? It's terrifying to think we have already spent 16 hours of every day. The lesson: budget.

The Beauty of a Long Weekend

2009-05-23T17:35:00.003-05:00

Memorial Day is Monday which means it's a long weekend for us in our new apartment. It came at a perfect time seeing as this time last week we had just gotten checked in and started the move; we finally have time now to enjoy a full day of living in this apartment and being settled.

It's amazing how much you can accomplish in a weekend when there isn't homework to do. Last night we watched 2 movies--Milk and Closer. This morning I slept a little later than usual (which means I lay restlessly in bed from about 6:30 until I finally got up at 8 because I get up too early every morning), went to Crema--a wonderful little coffee shop downtown--with Heather and Erin, and after lunch Heather and I went to the Belle Meade plantation. By 3pm, we had finished everything we had planned, and now we have the rest of the night to do nothing. This lifestyle seems too good to be true.

Everything we're doing here is being documented on our collective Summer in the City blog. With multiple blogs, we're making ourselves easily stalked this summer, but hopefully we'll be able to share some cool places in Nashville.

What a Way to Make a Living

2009-05-20T21:00:00.003-05:00

I forgot how much I love the 9-5 (which isn't exactly what I work, but it's 8 hours either way). There is nothing better than getting up before 6 to work out, going to work, taking a lunch break, getting off and hanging out at the apartment/making dinner, and then occupying myself as I feel led until time for bed. The next day it all starts over exactly the same. The routine is fantastic. I'm feeling very settled, and I'm sure I'll make a great adult someday. I have to remember that the hectic college schedule is only temporarily avoided and that I'm going to move 4-5 times in the next year. Writing that made me feel a little sick, so I'm retreating back to the wonderful world of summer in Nashville with Erin and Heather. Let's pretend it will never end.

How a Year Changes Things

2009-05-16T09:04:00.004-05:00

This day one year ago I wrote about the fact that I was really happy with being in Nashville, but I felt like I was lacking something. A big part of what I was wanting was a friend. I needed someone to talk to, and I needed people to see outside of work. It's amazing to see the transition happen in writing from what I was then to what I am now. I'm in exactly the same place, doing exactly the same job, but it's so different this year.

Last summer, I found the most incredible group of friends. We had a lot of fun in a very short time, and we were on the fast track to becoming close. I'm so happy to know that this summer those people are around and we can pick up somewhat where we left off. This summer is going to be very different, but I'm excited to see where those relationships lead. To those of you who fall into this group of friends, I want you to know you are an absolute answer to prayer, and if you need proof of that you can read what I wrote on May 16, 2008. Thanks for being yourselves. And to you, Amanda, we miss you. You were responsible for this random connection, and for that I'm grateful. You'll have to come visit us now that you're a married woman living in Kentucky.

We watched Mister Lonely last night, and it was the movie that made such a huge difference last year. I feel like everything last night went back to last summer but was immensely improved. It's fascinating to see how different things are going in this time, but I hope I also learn as much about myself as I did last summer in my extended silence. I'm still so happy to be in the middle of this time, and it doesn't seem like it should be so perfect.

Summertime

2009-05-12T18:01:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning feeling what can only be described as freedom! I just had to slip my video project (finished only with some hard work from the lovely Erin) in my teacher's mailbox, and summer became official. The weather in Nashville was perfect, and unlike the last week or so it lasted all day. I couldn't be happier to be finished, and my day was awesome because of it.

I started taking things off my walls this afternoon so I could get a jump on the packing, and I'm overall really happy that summer is here. I'm looking so forward to game nights, workouts with Heather, living with the people I love, Saturday morning pancakes, and general merriment. I also get so excited about the fact that my biggest decision and worry right now is what book to start reading next (while knowing there is no deadline for finishing it). I'm so blessed to have a job and a place to stay this summer, and I'm excited to know I have friends going in this time. It should be a very different experience from last summer.

Heather, Erin, and I will be keeping up with the things we are reading, the places we are visiting, the movies we are watching, and the fun we are having over at Summer in the City, so if you can't get enough of me, you should check that out too. We haven't gotten that completely started yet, but when we do, look out.

Here's to another school year finished, being a junior in college, and a magnificent summer to come!

i want to play all day
and swim out in the waves
in a lagoon that has no shark to bite my legs
a perfect place
where we can all laugh out loud
with palm trees, an ocean breeze
and never any clouds
get away
far away
to a place
i can stay
feels like summertime
the sun is shining on my face
feels like summertime
i never want to leave this place
but if i can't go now
i know someday, somehow
i know you've got a place
designed for me someday
i've got a mansion there
a royal getaway
and when my work is done
you'll fly me there at last
a place that doesn't take credit cards
or lots of cash
but if i can't go now
i know someday, somehow
you will take me there
cast away my burdens
take away my cares

Don't Stop Believin'

2009-05-10T13:17:00.003-05:00

Summer is almost here, but there's still that big push that comes at the end. As of Tuesday, I'll be home free, but today will be mildly unpleasant. I found some refreshment this weekend, though. I went home yesterday to experience the glory that is Gainesboro's annual Poke Sallet Festival, and it was a breath of fresh air. It wasn't the festival itself, but it was the car trip with Heather Pierce and having dinner (a really good dinner) with my family. Good conversations and some time away from the dorm room and the homework were helpful, and I know it will all be over soon enough. I just have to survive until Wednesday, and then summer is in full swing. There will be moving, reading, list-making, and general merriment, and I can't wait to get all of that started.

In other news, Brett Favre is on the fence about retirement yet again. As much as I like the guy, it was weird to see him playing for New York, and I'm just not sure I could handle him going to Minnesota. With John Madden retiring and Brett Favre wearing purple, I don't know if I would recognize football. Just keep the Wrangler commercials coming, Brett, and maybe you should just work as an announcer. I would definitely watch that.

The wisdom of Journey is necessary over the next 48 hours. Most of the words are irrelevant, but the ones that stick are the ones that matter:

Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit
He took the midnight train goin anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Dont stop believin'
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlight people

2009-05-06T18:11:00.002-05:00

I am two papers, one video, a set of reader's notes, and a 5-minute presentation from summer. Those things are somewhat stressful, but I know I'll be fine. I don't have to work anymore this week, which is awesome. I feel like all my time has been spent in class or at work this semester, so not having to do either of those makes me happy. Exactly one week from today I will once again be a full-time employee. I don't know if I'm excited about that or not. I am excited, however, about living with Heather and Erin. It's going to be a great summer, and we will be collectively blogging about it.

I've got to stop procrastinating and get to the homework, but I am excited about things to come.

5 Useless Ways to Exercise at College

2009-05-02T23:04:00.002-05:00

Everyone hears about the freshman 15 when they start college, but I'm a sophomore so I'm past that. Actually, from my Facebook pictures I can tell I have most definitely lost weight since freshman year. This semester I made exercise a priority, but the end here has been a little stressful and my exercise routine has suffered because of it. I thought I would do a search and see if anyone had practical tips for making time to exercise in college. I thought I might have struck gold when I came across this article: 5 Ways to Exercise at College. As promising as the title sounded, this was the most worthless article I have ever read. Here's why, reason by reason.

#1: Walk to Class

The idea here is that one should walk rather than drive to class. I don't know how your university is set up, but at Belmont driving to class is not really an option. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure in the normal college world you either live on campus and always walk to class or you get to campus, park a significant distance from your classes and walk. I decided to give the article the benefit of the doubt though and kept reading.

#2: Take Advantage of the Gym

All I can say here is, "Duh." If you aren't exercising in college, it isn't because you don't know there's a gym. It's because you don't want to use it or you feel like you don't have time. If you met the requirements to get into a university, you can probably figure this one out on your own.

#3: Walk in between Courses

I might call this a good idea. I don't think it's groundbreaking, and the article mentions, "If you're lucky, you [sic] college has a hiking trail or at least a walking trail." I'm not one of the lucky ones, so the trail thing isn't an option. Also, if I'm on campus I'm probably carrying books. While walking with my books may burn more calories, it's not kind to my back. I'm still not sure whether I will concede and say this was a decent tip, but I think it's the most practical one the article offers.

#4: Take Classes

Yes, most schools will require you to take a physical education class; however, most school require one PE, so that's only got you covered for one semester. I would love to take an extra hour long class every semester, but tuition is expensive, and I don't have hundreds of dollars per credit hour to spend on classes that won't count.

And finally,

#5: Get Involved in Sports

I have to quote the whole thing here because it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard:

"Sports are a wonderful way to get scholarships and it's not too late to get involved. Try out for a sport that you enjoy. This is a wonderful way to exercise and it's a wonderful way to ensure that you have enough money to keep attending your school of choice. Not only will you get exercise at the games, but you will also be required to practice several days a week, which will also be a great workout."

Now really, if you are talented enough to play a sport at a college level, especially well enough to get a scholarship, you are not just looking for practical "walk in between classes" exercise tips. You can't just walk on to a college team because you're looking for some exercise! How the heck is this good advice for exercising in college?!

Overall, I found this article useless. If I come up with better ways to fit exercise into a college schedule that don't involve having a large savings account or major athletic talent, I'll post my own tips.

The End is Near

2009-05-02T07:19:00.004-05:00

It's finally here--my favorite part of the semester! There are two class days left before finals, and for me at least this is the time when my life becomes most organized. It seems like now is the time when most people begin to freak out and start losing it, but for me this is always the time I start my leisure reading. The biggest perk of this part of the semester is that I now have time to do the assignments I need to do. There are no new readings and no looming projects. I know exactly what I need to do, it's a manageable amount of stuff, and they even give me dead day to work on it all. Plus, when the actual finals hit there aren't anymore classes. So rather than trying to get things done while spending several hours in class every day there is enough time to study, write papers, and finish up projects.

This is the fourth time around, and for some reason I feel like this is a phenomenon only I experience at the end of the year. I haven't quite figured out why everyone else gets stressed while this is my most relaxing time of the year. But to the stressed, this is what I recommend: take some time to chill out and forget about school. Sprinkle the homework time with some breaks to watch tv (or my personal favorite, Gilmore Girls dvds) or start reading something fun and easy (I just started the Janet Evanovich books). If you didn't learn it during the semester, you aren't going to learn it now, so don't stop sleeping in order to cram. This is the most wonderful time of the year, even though Christmas isn't involved in the spring semester. Embrace it, and realize how much extra time you have. Have a dance party. Go to Sonic. Just calm down because it's practically over. Summer is here!

I Can See the Finish

2009-04-26T10:40:00.003-05:00

Why does Christmas only come once a year whereas finals come twice? It's not even finals that are stressing me out right now, but it's that point where everything is due. Ever semester leads up to this point, and every couple of weeks at the end of a semester suck. It will all be over soon, and I will eventually move beyond page 2 of my 20-page paper (I was only on page 1 less than a half hour ago, so progress has been made). This is just the point where I need a little boost.

We're on the home stretch, and Heather and I found a little encouragement yesterday from Relient K. I'm going to keep listening to this and working away. Hopefully if you're stressed this will be helpful for you too.

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
There's only one thing left to do.
Drop all I have and go with you.

Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind.
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing (never knowing) where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on.

Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone. (pressing on, pressing on)
And I won't sit back and take this anymore.
Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Adversity, we get around it.
Searched for joy, in you I found it.

Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind;
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing
(Never knowing) where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong;
I'm pressing on.

Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone
(Pressing on, pressing on).
And I won't sit back, and take this anymore.
'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.

And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on . . .
On, pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone
(Pressing on, pressing on).
And I won't sit back and take this anymore
'Cause I'm done with that; I've got one foot out the door,
And to go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on.

You look down on me, but you don't look down on me at all.
You smile and laugh, and I feel the love you have for me.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all.

Sesame Street Made It Look Easy

2009-04-24T22:16:00.002-05:00

I decided to be a real city-kid today, and I failed. A friend and I took the bus to the library downtown. The trip down there was fine, and I loved the library (I will be in the grand reading room next time you can't find me), but getting back was an adventure. We watched several buses pass, but none of them were the one we were waiting for. Finally, the number 2 bus was in sight, but it got to us and continued to drive. If it didn't hurt enough that we were left standing on the corner where we had been for an hour, it was worse that we recognized the driver as the same one who dropped us off earlier! The number 2 was supposed to run every 35-70 minutes, so at this point we were desperate. We hopped on a bus that took us closer to Belmont but not quite all the way. We walked the rest of the way, but we were tired and I was sunburned. I tried to embrace the city, and the city rejected me. No more riding the bus.

Bye Bye, Bottled Water

2009-04-20T10:19:00.002-05:00

Belmont University will no longer be selling bottled water in the fall because we're going green. But will this really be effective? Students drink bottled water because it's convenient. Even though they are "investigating BPA free, reusable water containers that can be provided to members of the Belmont community at a minimal cost" the fact is you have to carry those things around with you, and a lot of students just won't. Instead, people will turn to the "variety of sodas and sports drinks, including energy and vitamin waters" that will still be available on campus. Translation: they're going to drink a lot more Pepsi. They will still use bottles, but now they will have less healthy liquids in them. I understand that Belmont is trying to care, but I'm just not sold on this.

I personally have a Nalgene bottle that I try to use; however, when I forget it I like having the option of buying water. Now it looks like I'm out of luck on those days. My other real issue with this is that those bottles (and also water fountains) are going to be germ-infested. College students are not going to wash these bottles well or often. And how many of these bottles will show up without owners because college students frequently lose things?

Dear Belmont, we hosted a debate. We've been on the news. If this is a publicity stunt, can we call it off?

The Announcement
The Press Release
The F.A.Q.s

A Valediction for John Madden

2009-04-17T16:21:00.002-05:00

John Madden is leaving football, and it makes me a little sad. His presence seemed to me to underlie every game, whether he was there or not (this includes the pro-bowls to which he wouldn't fly), and now I'm not sure what to do. It's like football won't ever be the same because I don't know it any other way than with John Madden.

Farewell, our flight-fearing football announcer.

P.S.
Don't let the fact that I was born late and only know Madden as a sportscaster detract from his incredible career pre-tv. He's a legend.

Thank You, Bret Lott, for Some Assurance of Life After Graduation

2009-04-17T15:59:00.003-05:00

I just had the privilege of hearing novelist Bret Lott speak, and I was pretty impressed. I'm not going to tell you I've read his stuff because that would be a lie; however, I will tell you I plan to read his stuff the first chance I get. I would also advise you to check him out, even though I have not yet read him; Oprah has, and she liked him (if this makes you not want to read him, get over it and read it in spite of Oprah's endorsement).

He was really a fantastic guy, but his story about becoming a writer was what I enjoyed most. He said he never wanted to be a writer. He started out on the path to becoming a park ranger, moved to marine biology, dropped out of school and sold RC Cola, went back to school and somehow ended up with a degree in English. It's always nice to hear success stories of people who were far from having things figured out. Now, I'm a firm believer that nobody has things figured out, but sometimes I begin to question that belief because some people are really good at pretending.

I don't have a clue where I'm headed after graduation, but it's nice to know that other people came out of college doing something they love but never planned on. Life's all about the adventure!

Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail

2009-04-11T22:34:00.006-05:00

I colored eggs today with my mom for the first time in a few years. My brother and I have both pretty much outgrown the ritual and are really in the phase between coloring them for ourselves and helping our own children. My mom asked if I'd be interested though, and I thought it couldn't hurt. Strangely, I think this is the first time I've witnessed the preparation process because I was always kept away until it was time for me to do the actual coloring (in order to keep the mess at a minimum). So I feel like I learned today how to set things up and what it was Mom and Grandma were doing before they called me in. My mom also pointed out the fact that because my brother didn't want to participate, this was pretty much the first time I didn't have to worry about how many I was coloring because we had to have the same number. And my dad noted this was the first time I didn't think I had to mix colors for every egg (not realizing that in the end they would all be the same color--brown). I only colored 12, but I enjoyed it and I feel like I learned a little something about my own childhood and kids in general from my older perspective and lack of actual children. It was one of those lessons you aren't really expecting, and I'm not sure I can fully articulate the things I took from it yet.

I'm all about marketing, but I do want to note that Easter is more. Don't get caught up in the eggs and the chocolate because it all came at a high price; that price bought us more than just the gimmicks.

And as an added bonus, if you want to know more about the egg and its connection to Easter, you can read this. It's not put together very smoothly, but it will give you a little more information about why the heck eggs show up this time every year. Happy Easter!

2009-04-10T11:53:00.003-05:00

I've decided I want to be Miley Cyrus. I want to make a career (at a ridiculously young age) out of bad acting, poor singing, and even writing, for no good reason. If Disney would just give me a tv show, I'd be set. I'd book some studio time to start recording my album, sign the deal to make my show into a movie, and get started on my first autobiography. I'm a little older than Miley, but there's got to be a college niche.

How in the world did all of this come out of Achy Breaky Heart (with a long period of relative silence in the middle)? I just want to know whose idea signing Miley was so I can pitch myself as the next superstar. She was "just being Miley," so logically I could just be Kindall and have major success. I want to threaten to ruin Grammy winners' careers! I want to be on The View! It's obviously not that hard, so what's stopping me?!

Today Will Be a Great Day

2009-04-03T08:57:00.003-05:00

I'm trying really hard to remain positive this morning. I know it doesn't do any good to complain about my lack of sleep, and there's not really anyone to blame for the fire alarms (at least not anyone I can complain directly to). It's also comforting to see that ResLife is working on it, and they aren't happy. Everybody's frustrated, including the director.

I'm just grumpy when I'm tired, but I'm working on it. If you run into me today, keep me accountable. I have a lot to be happy about, and I can't let this one nuisance ruin my Friday.

2009-04-03T01:13:00.001-05:00

It just went off again. Why would the fire alarm go off three times in one night if nothing is on fire?

This is Life When You Live in a Dorm

2009-04-03T00:39:00.006-05:00

Everything in my life seems to be working against me sleeping. This afternoon I was taking a much-needed nap after shafting sleep for homework last night. It was raining outside, which made my nap a really good one but was also the source of many problems. I woke up to my lovely RA banging on the door because Nashville was under a tornado warning. I got up, went to the first floor of my building and groggily waited out the warning. Unfortunately, the weather was still bad so I was waiting for it to happen again. We were initially under a tornado watch from that point until 2am.

Before going to bed, I decided to check the weather and see the likelihood of being awakened again for tornadoes. The best news I'd heard all day was that things had calmed down and Nashville was probably just going to see some rain for the rest of the night. But a little over an hour after I had fallen asleep (just enough time to be sleeping really well), the fire alarm started going off. For the second time today, I got out of my bed, grabbed a jacket, my phone, and my keys and headed downstairs. We waited it out in the parking garage. The alarm went off, and everybody went back inside. On the 3rd of 5 floors, the alarm began to go off again. At this point I wanted to cry. We turned around and headed back down the stairs we had just come up.

Perhaps scarier than the brief thought that the building was actually on fire, was the campus security officer "patrolling" on his bike while we were in the parking garage. I understand that campus security would want to be around, but I'm not sure what they were accomplishing by having him ride back and forth as we all listened to the deafening fire alarm. I was in a mood, and social media has consumed my life, so I took a couple of pictures of the guy on the bike. I also have a short video of our frustration. They're not high quality, but I'd like someone else to share at least a little of the aggravation. So here you go.

And now I'm off to bed. Hopefully this time I won't wake up until my alarm goes off, which is going to be all too early. And hopefully I'll also be able to remember that there were a lot worse things happening with the weather in Nashville tonight than me having to get out of bed. There was a lot of damage and a lot of flooding. When I've slept I should appreciate my good fortune.

The Fail Whale

2009-03-31T13:43:00.002-05:00

I was just reading this article from CNN about the Twitter fail whale, and I think there is a serious life lesson to be learned from the reaction of people to Twitter's growing popularity and the fact that there are so many people on the site it isn't operating smoothly.

I found myself reading this thinking, when I mess up I want people to just forgive and forget because there's something cute associated with my mistakes. It's incredible to see that for the most part the people CNN talked to were fine with the fact that Twitter can't keep up with them. Tons of people follow the fail whale's twitter, and if you read the article you'll see the guy with his new fail whale tattoo. This demonstrates that we as humans do have the capacity to be forgiving. It's almost like we're seeing the softer, more forgiving side of people many consider self-centered for the simple fact that they send quick, frequent answers to the narcissist-attracting question What are you doing? Maybe if people let us down we can start imagining the fail whale showing up and chalk it up to that person being human, recognizing our own failure as well.

This might be a little bit of a stretch, but when I think about this in terms of God and his relationship to people, myself in particular, I see the fail whale has been around for years. Instead of leaving me to deal with my own failures (a feat of which I'm incapable), God waits out the fail whale and keeps coming back. He knows it will happen again, but it doesn't deter him. Who knew Twitter could teach us something about true grace?! Being more like Jesus means waiting out the fail whale in my relationships. Like Twitter, the overall relationship is worth hanging onto, even when there are bumps in the road.

And on a less profound but still Twitter-related note, your plants can now twitter. You know you talk to them when you're alone with them, and now they can answer.

A Photo Update on My Life

2009-03-27T15:15:00.014-05:00

There aren't enough pictures on here, and I've gotten into the weird habit of taking pictures of everything I find interesting or exciting with my cell phone and immediately emailing them to myself (some day I'll have a phone that will allow me to blog as soon as I take the picture, but it's probably better for my GPA that I don't for now). Anyway, here's what's new.

Last weekend, I got to hang out with these kids at home. I had a blast, and I miss them.

I went to see Leslie at the Curb Cafe, and she was awesome. She's super talented, and she really believes in using it to bring glory to God. She's pretty great.

In the world of all things edible, I've made some fantastic discoveries lately. If you didn't know salsa is sold in individual servings like pudding, now you do. I didn't buy any, but I was still impressed. Also, if you buy enough at Sonic, they have huge shopping-type bags to put the food in. (This bag had 4 people's food in it; it's not all mine.) So if you have a hankering (yes, hankering) for Sonic but are afraid to get too much because you don't know how you'll carry it, never fear!

I really want to take this class, and I won't be honors anymore so it might fit into my schedule and requirements. It would be my first online class and my first 8 week class. I hope it works out.

And finally, this is a small portion of what my weekend looks like. It's gonna be a blast.

Blessed is the Man Whose Quiver is Full of [Children]

2009-03-25T10:23:00.003-05:00

I read a book I received from my church right before I came to college called How to Stay Christian in College. I thought it had some valid points and practical advice, but I couldn't help questioning the author on one point. The author talked about dating and said it was important to date a person who you would consider marrying; this is something I agree with whole-heartedly. He went on to say that you should also look for someone who would make a good parent because what God wants is for us to be fruitful and multiply. He went from talking about dating to telling me that if I'm able to have children, God expects me to do so. He didn't come right out and say it, but the implication was birth control shouldn't come into the mix.

I struggled with this because I've never been really big on the kids, and I have also never felt that God expects all Christians to have children and especially not as many as they turn up with without using birth control. This also opens the door to the question, when is it alright to stop having kids? If God will provide children for the people he wants to have children, doesn't it follow that we would just have children until God quit giving them? Well these people think so. This Quiverfull movement is made up of people who think birth control is the wrong way to go. While I understand where they're coming from, I still can't believe God would want us to be irresponsible and have more children than we can handle; that is not to say that they're being irresponsible, but I could see the problem there. The truth is, economic times are hard, and it doesn't seem like the best time to start bringing unknown numbers of babies into the world. I could see where people would offer the argument that God would not give them more children than he would provide for, and I may be limiting God here, but I struggle with this idea. The alternative to using some sort of birth control would be abstinence, and I don't think that's what God wants within a marriage either.

I don't have the scripture to justify my wariness of this idea. It may be that God expects me to have as many children as he gives me and be happy about it someday when I'm married; however, until he communicates that idea to me, I can only see the terrifying side of living this way.

And the part that scares me most about that article is the idea that:

We look across the Islamic world and we see that they are outnumbering us
in their family size, and they are in many places and many countries taking
over those nations, without a jihad, just by multiplication.
and then there's this one:

If everyone starts having eight children or 12 children, imagine in three
generations what we'll be able to do,' " Joyce says. " 'We'll be able to take
over both halls of Congress, we'll be able to reclaim sinful cities like San
Francisco for the faithful, and we'll be able to wage very effective massive
boycotts against companies that are going against God's will.

Oh, dear. It's very scary to me that they are worried about outnumbering the Muslims. They want a little army to take down the devil. We've all heard about super-conservative families where the kids go bad, and if they have umpteen siblings also vying for Mom and Dad's attention it's likely at least some of these kids will rebel in a big way. Then your army is not only full of defecting soldiers, but they're also leaving with a vendetta and spreading the news that you're crazy. If you aren't a Christian, please understand that statement is not wholly representative of Christian ideas, and we aren't trying to create our own army of fanatics.

Except for Monday Which Was Never Good Anyway

2009-03-23T08:27:00.003-05:00

I'm in the weirdest funk ever, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. Somehow I find myself completely at peace on so many levels but only because I'm using the peaceful feeling as a defense mechanism to stave off the chaos in my life. I'm not sure how it happened or why, but it's weird.

Figuring out whether or not I'm going to stay in the honors program is proving to be a difficult task. My leaning is to leave, but I don't want to make that decision without having carefully considered all my other options. I don't think I want to put the stress of studying abroad this upcoming fall on myself, and I think it would be healthier to wait until the spring. But if I've done 2 years of honors, why not finish? And then there's the fact that nobody cares if I graduated honors. We'll see.

In the weirdness, I feel like I'm a little detached from everything. So to those of you who I feel like I'm not connecting to, I apologize. I don't know what's up really, but I'm working on it. I still love you all and appreciate you.

Maybe it's a peaceful feeling, and maybe it's a numb feeling. Either way I'm finding it helpful as well as distancing, and I want to figure it out. Sorry for the rambling craziness; I wish it wasn't so representative of my mind right now.

How I Wish You Could See the Potential

2009-03-22T18:13:00.002-05:00

the potential of you and me
it's like a book elegantly bound but
in a language that you can't read

Adding "I will possess your heart" is a little more than I think I could wish for, but I'm learning I haven't moved away from the hope that it might happen. Maybe it's just curiosity. It might just be the fact that it seems so logical. Maybe it's just because it seems like it would be fun or comfortable. I don't understand it, but I obviously haven't escaped it.

Parenting: What Not to Do

2009-03-20T08:49:00.002-05:00

There are moments in life when I think I'm so glad those aren't my parents. The most recent for me was when I read about this guy who threw his five children off a bridge. Apparently he was on crack, but I still don't understand how that happens. I don't know how old the kids were, but I can imagine that they had to watch their siblings go over first. The man was convicted, and now the question is whether or not he should get the death penalty.

My dilemma in this situation is that I don't think we have the right to decide to kill someone, even if they have killed someone else; however, I think horrible things should happen to this guy. What could possibly be done to him that could bring justice?

And how does a father, even on crack, systematically throw 5 human beings, his own children, off a bridge?! No matter how much my dad might irritate me sometimes, I'm so glad he never threw me off a bridge.

I Better Record This In Case It All Ends with the Rain

2009-03-18T21:49:00.003-05:00

The last 48 hours have been some of the best of my life. Yesterday, the weather was gorgeous and I was inspired to skip two of my three classes; I used this time to go grocery shopping. While I was at the store, I bought nothing but things that were substantial and good for me. I didn't even crave any junk food, which is really weird for me. After the grocery extravaganza, I got back to the dorm, and I felt like I needed to clean. I cleaned everything, and it looks really great. Plus, there's just something wonderful about a freshly cleaned bathroom and having everything in its place. After this crazy day of cleaning, I was slightly behind on all the school work I had intended to finish, but my stress level was way down. Today, I was still running on this organized high. I went to all my classes (two of which were held outside!), and it was great. I ate well because I have so much good food, and after work I went to a group fitness class where I had a workout that nearly killed me but feels so good now that it's finished. After that, I walked to SATCO with the lovely and wonderful Amanda, and I had a chance to actually hang out with her since it's been a while.

So here I am once again without having accomplished near the amount of homework I would have liked. However, it feels great. I feel so much more centered than I have in a really long time, and I'm not experiencing the typical stress. I love this feeling, and I'm hoping it can continue (I will be continuing eating healthy and exercising to insure that it does even if the homework takes a small hit). Those people who tell you taking care of yourself is important aren't kidding. Listen to them and you'll appreciate their advice.

I realize the weather is probably a huge factor in this, but it's been a learning experience. Tomorrow, if and when it is cold and rainy, I will hopefully remember that sometimes my mental health needs to be put above my GPA. That hurts a little to think about, but it feels so good to practice.

This Is Your Brain on Coffee

2009-03-15T20:09:00.002-05:00

Spring break is over, I'm not done with my homework, I'm wired on coffee, and I'm addicted to Twitter. I just got TweetDeck, and I love it. I think Twitter is unhealthy, but I can't stop, and I think my Twitter and coffee habits are linked.

In an attempt to study, I've been to Panera for dinner and have now shifted to Starbucks where the plugs are free and I can steal Panera's internet until they close at 9. What I have noticed in my hyper-sensitive coffee world is that Vandy kids are a strange bunch. It's weird after being at Belmont for a while to see so many people near my age dressed like they live at a country club. They're so clean, and they're clothes are utterly wrinkle-free. While I don't look ultra-Belmont (although I do have on a v-neck today . . . oh no! I'm conforming!), I don't think I will ever come near the Vanderbilt style. But whatever.

And since I'm only rambling because I'm as addicted to blogging as I am to Twitter and the coffee has me going crazy: you should check out The Family Tree. Nate told me about them tonight, and I approve.

If there is any sort of lesson in this post, I think it would be stay away from coffee. My friends have been bombarded with facebook wall posts and @replies on twitter. I need to stop, but I just can't!

Quiet Time, Coffee, Cupcakes, Spring Break!

2009-03-12T12:16:00.004-05:00

I had almost forgotten the perks of living so far away from everything. While it’s nothing I want to go back to permanently, I really enjoy the chance to get away from everything almost daily and have time to myself. It takes an average of about 30 minutes to get anywhere from my house, and I’m typically traveling alone. This is a hassle if you ever need to do anything in a hurry, but it’s a wonderful way to have some forced quiet time. I feel like my mental state is better because I have so much time to think; I also feel like the quiet time coupled with the few things going on leave me with nothing to blog about. It's beautiful to have time to listen to an entire cd without interruption (and I've been seriously bonding with Death Cab), and it's nice to have time to process everything that's been going on for the first half of this spring semester. I've not come to any big conclusions, but I've been alone and in silence for the first time in a while, and I like it.

And on another note, one of the lovely Cookeville Starbucks employees has opened her own coffee shop, and I think you should go if you're ever in Cookeville. It's called Sweet Sallie's, and it's a bakery coupled with a coffee shop. The cupcakes are phenomenal, the coffee is great too, and it's a wonderful wonderful place to study (or blog like I'm doing right now from Sweet Sallie's). If you're not going to be in or near Cookeville any time soon, make a special trip! Bring a book and spend some time there. It's worth it. I've been mourning the fact that I can't come here on a regular basis to do homework, so I'm spending my hardcore homework day of spring break here. I'm a little shaky from the high caffeine intake, but I'll survive.

Oh, spring break.

Podcamp Nashville

2009-03-07T16:20:00.003-06:00

I just got back from what could be one of the coolest events ever, Podcamp Nashville. It was an all-day, completely free, really cool "un-conference" where Erin and I went to sessions about podcasting, blogging, twittering, etc. I feel like I learned a lot, and it reinforced all the love I have for the internet and its limitless possibilities. I'm not sure where I fit into the wonderful world of new media, but I enjoy hanging out. It was great to see the other members of the Nashville Internet community in person and to see the different ways people are using online methods of communication. Podcamp was the perfect, if nerdy, kick-off to what is going to be (I hope) a successful spring break.
And as for podcasts, the third installment of Noise and Nuance has been recorded, and you can look forward to it being up later this week. Prepare for some really good music this month along with an exotic locale in honor of spring break.

Moderation?

2009-03-05T14:47:00.002-06:00

As if yesterday's post did not prove to you and me both that I lack self-control, I have had that thought reinforced today. This time the problem is slightly healthier than a milkshake at least; I try to run too much. I used to hate running, but I went from one extreme to the other when my love for it developed. I ran a 10-mile race last November after which I developed a ridiculous injury that kept me from running for about 6 weeks (and made me gain a significant amount of weight). I recovered, and I was trying to take it easy, but here I am injured again because I got a little too confident last week. My mom said, "It makes you wonder if running is worth it," and this felt a little like blasphemy to me. I haven't had to stop completely (yet), but I have cut back and started some new stretches, all the while doing other cardio to retain endurance. It's just frustrating that something could seem so healthy and yet be so dangerous. It also leads me to wonder if I am eternally going to be a victim of my own compulsive behavior. Why can't I understand the concept of temperance?

The positive side of all of this: when I stopped running last time, I wanted to hit other runners with my car because they looked so happy. I didn't have that urge last night when everybody and his/her mom was running as I drove to my friend's apartment.

Gluttony

2009-03-04T22:32:00.003-06:00

Tonight was an adventure to Cheeseburger Charley's followed by a movie. I really enjoyed both of these things, but my favorite part of the night (besides Jessica and Andrew of course) might also have put a damper on the fun. The wonderful ladies at the Cheeseburger Charley's in Green Hills told me I could mix milkshake flavors; this was exciting information that I quickly put into use. I had a peanut butter/banana/oreo milkshake, and it was possibly the best concoction I've ever tasted; my only complaint is that peanut butter makes it hard to drink through a straw. This brings me to the bad part: since the straw was ineffective, I drank most of the milkshake like a person would drink any other liquid. I also felt compelled to finish it because it was so good. You have to remember I also ate a cheeseburger and onion rings before this trifecta milkshake, so by the time I finished I wasn't feeling so great. To make matters worse, we decided to rent Pan's Labyrinth. While the movie was pretty cool (and in Spanish which wins me over every time) the violent parts didn't go well with the milkshake, cheeseburger, and onion rings.

I hesitate to share this information online because I feel like it merely exposes my poor judgement and lack of self-control. There are a couple of reasons I posted this anyway: first, I think you need to try a peanut butter/banana/oreo milkshake. It will change your life. Second, I recommend watching Pan's Labyrinth, but do it on an empty stomach. And finally, the sum total of all lessons I learned tonight--enjoy life, but don't let one really great thing subtract from simultaneous experiences. Take it all in, but in moderation.

Fox's Donut Den

2009-03-01T19:41:00.002-06:00

Apparently Fox's Donut Den has a pretty good reputation here in Nashville. I went there tonight, and I was impressed. I don't feel like I got the full experience because it was 7 o'clock and the choices were limited. I'm sure there were more donuts to choose from, but the two I had were really good. Since I've been blogging like a mad-woman lately, I thought I'd share.

Is This It? At Least It's a Possibility

2009-03-01T11:09:00.002-06:00

This morning was the first time in a while that I left church satisfied. It feels like I've been looking forever, and I think I just might have found the new place for me. I haven't checked out the Sunday school yet, but I'm hopeful. It's funny that this morning I told God I was weary of this. I hate knowing that I need to be somewhere else but being unable to find that place, and I'm so tired of leaving every week knowing I still haven't found it. I'm so thankful that he gave me some hope this morning. I won't officially say the wait is over, but there is a bright spot in all of this.

When I Said Wrap It Up, I Didn't Really Mean It

2009-03-01T00:35:00.003-06:00

It's not really anticlimactic, but I feel there is something of a letdown at the end of Elizabeth Gaskell's North and South. The entire book, I was waiting for the heroine to end up with the man for whom (because this novel is like the others of its time) she was destined. I couldn't go to sleep. I wouldn't get up to use the bathroom. I felt the torture of their separation to the depths of my sould. Although I love the detail, Gaskell is wordy; I was plowing through page after page waiting for the moment these two characters would finally step away from their egos and admit to each other they both wanted to be together. The problem is this: of 425 pages, only the last 1 and 1/2 tell this part of the story. I was built up for 400+ pages, and because it was written in 1855 all I got was a brief hug and some witty comments to express a love that has been developing for years in the book and hundreds of pages in my mind. The descriptions had been so vivid, and now I'm left to use my own (inadequate) imagination to flesh out the details of the ending. I'm unfulfilled.

Type A

2009-02-27T14:42:00.002-06:00

I've always been fairly organized, but lately I've become compulsive. I now feel that it is necessary to have a planner with times of the day in it so that I can see every activity and its orientation to the others accompanied by a continuous to-do list off which I constantly look forward to checking items. For this, I blame Heather Pierce. I'm not sure how long it will last because I honestly doubt my attention span's ability to keep it going; however, it has been a little out of control lately. I feel like I need my planner to have EVERY event of my life in it. It's not even been a week, but it should be interesting to see if my habits can be dramatically changed.

Followers, Forgive Me

2009-02-27T14:38:00.002-06:00

The people who follow this blog probably don't base their success in life on the fact that their picture shows up on the sidebar, but it still hurts me to take it away. Google has made the followers section look really tacky, and it's got to go. So to all of you who care and take the time to read, know that I still appreciate it even though I took off the evidence of your care.

Snuggie Pub Crawl

2009-02-26T07:48:00.003-06:00

I'm a little weirded out by snuggies (the blankets with sleeves), and the idea of a pub crawl is not something that gets me super excited. However, the thought of a Snuggie Pub Crawl is fantastic. I'm hoping the one in Nashville won't be 21-up unless it's after November 11 because I feel like this is something I need to see.

BlogWorthy

2009-02-21T22:37:00.004-06:00

I don't pretend to know anything about music or have any credibility when writing about it, but I love it. And because I love it, I enjoy meeting/learning about other people who are passionate about it, and that is why I'm writing now. Last night I went to see a friend play at Cafe Coco. This show was organized by Quiet Entertainer, and I was struck by his passion for Nashville's music scene. The whole point of his BlogWorthy shows is to introduce people to music and have them use the Internet to spread the word. These shows happen every 3rd Friday of the month at Cafe Coco at 11:00, and the idea is that people will write about them on their blogs, Facebook, MySpace, or whatever it is they feel like using. To hear Quiet Entertainer talk was to hear someone who cares a lot about music, especially in Nashville, and I think he has great ideas. So, I'm doing my part and telling you about it. Last night's show featured Rachel Leigh, James Fate, and Calvin. I have to admit I didn't get to hear Calvin play because I am pathetic and it was past my bedtime (to my credit, I had to work this morning), but what I saw of the show was fabulous. So I encourage you to check out all of these people, and if you're in the Nashville area, you should mark your calendar for the 3rd Friday of every month and check out one of these BlogWorthy shows yourself. I guarantee you'll see passion for music you don't see many places. These people really care about Nashville's musicians, and it should be cool to see where this is going.

This is Quiet Entertainer's explanation of BlogWorthy:

The reason behind BlogWorthy
A lot of people have been asking me about BlogWorthy. Just what is it? What does it mean?It's an idea I've had and a vision that has come to me after being in Nashville for a while. I have observed a duality in the music scene. Existing between the haves and have-nots. The mainstream and the underground. And among the underground; the bedroom artists and the ones who are out doing it. And ultimately just what is right and what is wrong with the local music scene from where we're standing.

It seems like I'm always talking to people who have some kind of problem or issue with the music scene in Nashville. I was writing back and forth with someone on myspace a week or so ago about some local artists and all of the challenges of supporting independent music. At the end of her argument, she qualified it by saying that she was just a music fan and not a critic, so what did she really know?

Actually, I think that her opinion is extremely valid and perhaps equally so to that of a music critic. Because they are dueling opinions. I want people who like music to know that it's ok to actually talk about what you like instead of what you don't like. What rocks instead of what sucks. So, I hope that everyone who likes myself as an artist or any of the other bands or artists at a BlogWorthy show will post a blog about how they thought the show went and what they think of the artists. Especially if they enjoyed it! Then maybe some artists won't have to wait to be recognized by local press. Because we can be the media and we can be the press. Technology makes this possible now more than ever.

As for people passionate about music, I'm learning some of the best writers are regular people who do other things for a living but care enough about music to write about it. Album reviews have become a new favorite leisure reading genre of mine. It doesn't even matter if I ever plan to listen to the albums or not because it is evident that these writers were moved enough to write about them. They might tell you an album will change your life or they might tell you you're better off remaining ignorant of the pain accompanying a new record. Either way, they're witty when they write and because they do it for pleasure they're all in. I can't get away from The Musically Inclined, Twisted Ear, and The Daily Grind. These people are invested, and it makes for good prose.

Sorry there are so many links, but they're worth it. Click on them and listen. Just do it.

Loose Ends

2009-02-16T21:29:00.007-06:00

I have managed to get myself completely out of whack lately. I haven't been sleeping enough, which I've realized, and last night was no exception. I went to bed at 11:45 (which I realize is not that late for those of you who pride yourselves on your late nights, but for me it's late) and I got up at 7. I went to work, and I wasn't feeling the greatest. So when I got off work, I went back to my room and slept until it was time to go back to work at 2. Three classes happened while I was out, and when I got off work for the second time all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I'm feeling so much better now (and will be getting to bed shortly), but I feel like I have messed up my sleep pattern sufficiently for the week. It should be interesting to see how I feel tomorrow. Today I was feeling the effect my sleep deprivation was having on my immune system, so I'm hoping tomorrow I won't have the swollen throat or hint of an impending earache. If only we didn't need to sleep or there were less fun things to do and great people to talk to . . .

And I'm going to see Death Cab for Cutie with Ra Ra Riot and Matt Costa in May, so I've been on a steady diet of these guys. I like it.

Finally, because I had a great time at Nate's show with the really awesome girls who (mostly) live on my floor Friday night, I'm including the picture (I'm the one hiding in the back behind the hair). It's for posterity. And you should go listen to Nate's stuff, because it's good.

Sleep or not, life is good.

I Wish We Could Open Our Eyes to See in All Directions at the Same Time

2009-02-15T19:42:00.003-06:00

The church search continues. I decided this morning that I'm really attached to the church I've been going to in Nashville, but it's only that darn Sunday school dilemma holding me back. I know I'm going to find the right place and be happier for it when I get there, but I am growing weary of this endless quest. It shouldn't be this hard to find a place for corporate worship! On the bright side however, I went to an early service this morning, so when the fire alarm in my building went off I was dressed and ready to leave everyone else standing outside in their pajamas. I also had some serious reading time between church and lunch. It's probably the first time I've had the majority of a Sunday free. I managed to finish my reading, go to a meeting, get in a run and still have time for Rock of Love without the distraction of homework.

Yesterday I had possibly the best Valentine's Day ever. I got off work, brought some flowers and candy to a good friend, and then took myself on a date. I spent some time at Starbucks reading and being alone, and it was fabulous. My dad told me I needed to find someone to take me out, but as I pointed out to him it's not worth the date if I don't want to be out with that person. I will be taking myself on many future dates because of the success of this one.

I Dream of Jeannie, They Dream of Kindall

2009-02-06T14:47:00.002-06:00

In the last week, three friends have had dreams about me. Not that I think these dreams mean anything, but I find it interesting that I'm on people's subconscious minds.

Dreamer one: can't remember what happened, but coffee was involved.

Dreamer two: I got married to a guy I had not kissed until the wedding ceremony. After the wedding, she (the girl who had the dream) and I went back to a dorm room and she asked, "So are you going to have sex tonight?" She said it was really crazy for her to think about moving straight from never having kissed to that giant next step and that is why she was asking. This one is incredibly random, first because I hope I don't come back to a dorm room after my wedding (plus it's against the rules). There are other reasons, but I feel like you can figure it out yourself.

Dreamer three: I was pregnant. The baby was a friend's. He and I had never dated and at this point weren't talking, and she was asking us if we might just try dating. She said she was really frustrated with us, and I can understand her frustration.

These may mean nothing (although the coffee dream might have been profound if only the dreamer had remembered it), but it's worth noting that I'm in people's heads.

Lessons in Living Free

2009-02-03T21:56:00.003-06:00

As of tomorrow, I will have gone one week without spending money on the Heather Pierce adventure. I have learned valuable things about my habits through this experience:

I think I need to go to coffee shops to study.
I want to eat when I'm bored, and it's not usually food that I just have around.
If I only bought enough groceries to keep myself fed, I would be perfectly happy with my life.

I'm sure I've learned other things too, but these are the ones that stick out. I also realize that my typical habits are unnecessary. For instance, I have 3 and 1/2 pounds of Starbucks coffee in my room waiting to be ground and brewed. I do not ever need to go to a coffee shop. There are also plenty of places on campus where I can study and not feel obligated to purchase something (the lobby for instance). Also, my eating habits are ridiculous as well as expensive. I feel like I'm eating better simply because I won't allow myself to go buy junk I don't already have. And finally, the amount of money I need (this is the operative word in the entire post) to spend on groceries to supplement my meal plan is pretty small. I can eat things I like and have plenty without spending much money. So really, even when I go back to spending money I will be looking at it differently. I'm imagining what it will look like when I put my new found knowledge into practice and actually save some money. What an idea!

Perhaps the best thing about this is the time Heather and I have spent doing free things. It's so nice to spend time with someone you want to be around without worrying about how much it costs. We just get to hang out, and I like it!

Church Shopping, Superbowling, and Twittering

2009-02-01T21:26:00.001-06:00

Looking for a new church seems like it should be painless. You go, and whether or not you feel like it's right, it can't be that bad can it? What I'm learning is that church shopping is ridiculous. So many churches, yet none of them the one I need. Why is it so hard? Oh well, next week I'm checking out a catholic church with Ice. I'm really excited about it.

As for the rest of my typical Sunday activities, football season is done with the exception of the ProBowl. I didn't get to watch as much as I would have liked this season (and my fantasy team suffered for it), but I'm still sad to see it go. I just love knowing that Sundays and Mondays will provide hours of athletic entertainment. But there is always NFL network where I can watch replays to my heart's content.

And to make up for the time I will not be spending watching football, I've found a new hobby. As if Facebook and blogging didn't take up enough of my time, I'm now addicted to Twitter. I don't know why it's so great, but I'm really thrilled about it. I feel like the world should have constant updates of what's going on in my life. It's just like this blog, but quicker and less indepth. It was love at first sight.

Rochester, Just Do It!

2009-01-31T16:15:00.004-06:00

For the second time in my life, I'm reading Jane Eyre. Because I've read it before, I know how it ends and I'm just retracing my steps to get to that inevitable conclusion. The problem is, knowing the ending makes me even more frustrated with the characters than I was the first time I read it. I know what Rochester is up to, and I just want to hit him. Stop beating around the bush! It was enough that he made Jane think he loved Blanche Ingram for so long simply because, as he puts it, "I wished to render you as madly in love with me as I was with you; and I knew jealousy would be the best ally I could call in for the furtherance of that end." What exactly makes him think this is a good idea?! Why can't he just tell her he loves her and let her return that love? Of course, his affection is not the only thing he is concealing from Jane, but he frustrates me to no end. If he would be less deceiving, the problems they encounter later wouldn't come. That would of course alter the story too much, but it would be much more comfortable to read.

2009-01-28T22:12:00.003-06:00

I have Google Analytics on this blog so I can see how may people are visiting and how they're getting here. Apparently, three people have arrived here from search engines. That's not the funny part though. The excitement comes from the search terms they used because I feel like they embody all that is Kindall:

impulsive decisions essay
meaning of the movie mr. lonely
retainer wearing

Any one of these will bring you to this very spot, and I have to say that makes me happy.

Positive Peer Pressure

2009-01-28T17:40:00.003-06:00

I'm joining Heather Pierce on her non-money-spending adventure. She's trying to go as long as possible without spending money, and I'm going to see how long I can make it with her. This should be good for me, and it also makes me remember why I love the people I love. It's them, not the things we pay to do together.

Waiting

2009-01-22T18:28:00.002-06:00

Tonight we find out if the city I love is going to love its people. I sat at a table for a little over 4 hours this afternoon encouraging people to vote and explaining what the election was for. I feel like I haven't contributed as much as I would have liked to getting the English Only amendment shut down, but I feel good to know that I helped at all. The polls close in 30 minutes, and hopefully tonight I'll know the outcome of the election before I go to bed. I'm still not a fan of politics, but it's comforting to know that I can recognize my passions and work against things I feel undermine my values. I know my relative apathy isn't an aversion to politics; rather, I am simply too non-confrontational to get overly involved and invested unless I really care.

I think this is a big deal, and now I've done what I can. Now it's out of my hands, and I'm simply waiting on results.

2009-01-19T10:53:00.002-06:00

I am attempting to write what should be one of the easiest papers I've ever been assigned, but I'm finding it difficult. It's snowing outside, my coffee is wonderful, and there are people I'd rather be talking to right now. It will get done, but not at this exact moment.

The typical beginning-of-the-semester post had to come, but I'm still not sure how I feel about what is to come. What I do know is I feel like I'm in a good place. I don't have a clue why I feel that way, but I'm happy so I'm not questioning it. I miss Rebecca and Kristen. I miss the impulsive behavior and the melodramatic analysis of events. I even miss the pessimism. Belmont is something different without them, but I've been given a peace about the way things are. Plus, I know we're better friends than to let distance kill what we've got. While I haven't by any means found replacements (nor am I looking for any such thing), I've entered into new friendships I'm excited about and I've found new dimensions in other relationships. I think the semester looks promising for good times and good friends.

We'll see how the school thing goes, but for now I'm enjoying the happiness. Thank you, God, for an undeserved and overwhelming peace.

Financial Aid

2009-01-16T09:02:00.006-06:00

My dad called me Tuesday to tell me he had seen Brett Michaels being interviewed on some morning show. He knows I watch Rock of Love, but it was still a little strange that he wanted to tell me about this interview because nothing Brett said was overly exciting. I was a little confused and thought maybe Dad just missed me and wanted to talk. After relaying the Brett Michaels info, he proceeded to tell me that there was also a story about a 24-year old grad student who is selling her virginity online to pay for school. He then said, "I'm not insinuating anything, but how many loans do you want to have?" Now in case you've forgotten, let me remind you that the person suggesting this is my father. I'm not sure if I should appreciate his concern about my financial future or be terrified that the man who raised me would suggest I stoop to prostitution to afford my education. Of course, Dad's suggestion is less disturbing than the fact that this girl and her plan are real. She is actually selling her virginity online, and she's likely going to be able to pay for school and have a hefty chunk of change left. As tempting as the money may be, I can't imagine how someone goes 24 years without having sex (if of course her virginity is intact as she claims) and then decides they will sleep with any stranger who will put them through school. It's mind-boggling, but I guess it's an unbeatable scholarship. What would Dave Ramsey do?

Beloved

2009-01-08T21:36:00.004-06:00

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
The lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

-Tenth Avenue North

It Ends Tonight

2009-01-07T21:43:00.002-06:00

Tonight is my last night at home, and as usual leaving is a bittersweet experience. I have found supreme enjoyment in sleeping a little later and avoiding stress for the last few weeks. I've also had some of my best friends within easy reach and quick access to family time. Of course, I've really missed some people from Belmont and the spontaneity that comes with living in the same building as or within a few minutes of many of my friends. I'm not begging for the homework or the 20 or so novels I'll be reading this semester, but being back in Nashville will have its perks.

The break has been good, and I feel refreshed. I won't go as far as saying I'm ready for the semester ahead, but I'm more open to it than I was a month ago.

For Once No News is Good News

2009-01-03T23:30:00.004-06:00

Usually my lack of time to write means I've been living the high-stress life, but I'm delighted to say that has not been the case on this beautiful and most welcome break. I've been keeping busy, but I don't mind so much when that means reading, knitting, spending time with friends, and watching almost the entire (yes, all 5 hours) VH1 Top 100 Hard Rock Songs countdown with my mom followed by What Not to Wear, the TLC Miss America thingy, and Heavy: The Story of Metal. Mom and I had a metal marathon on VH1 last night filled with big hair, spandex, and trashy men. We followed that up with This is Spinal Tap tonight, and tomorrow she will be watching the premiere of Rock of Love Bus with me. I've also finally been able to watch football for the first time all season. Although it seems my entire break has been spent in front of the TV, I would like to say that most of this happened in a 7-hour span last night and I have been much more productive than it sounds. I've been able to run a little, although I've had to take it easy and then I got the cold to kill all colds and had to lay off. I'm almost over the cold now and may try to get in a run tomorrow. If I can keep the tendons in my foot happy, I'll be running the Tom King half-marathon in March, but I'm not calling that a definite for at least a couple of weeks. My dentist told me I have great teeth and I can cut my retainer-wearing time in half (and I know that's too much information, but it makes me happy)! I've also gotten to see a little more of the people I love, and that has been one of the highlights of my time off. There are some people in my life who it seems like I'll always be able to pick up where I left of with, and I'm so glad to know that. Seeing them, however, has got me really missing some Nashville people. I wish I could just quit school, work at Starbucks, and live in a community populated by people I select, but seeing as that will not be possible any time in the near future (or maybe ever, but I'm an optimist) I am content to split my time and my friends between schools and states and countries and therefore more fully enjoy every second I spend with them. To make a long story short on the break, it's been good.

God and I are in the middle of an interesting conversation and I'm curious to see where it's going. I'm questioning a lot and feeling some things out, and he's letting me exercise that freewill. It's been uncomfortable at points but also so comforting to know more about who God is and what it means in my life that he is real and personal. I'm hoping to have some updates on this in the future.

Breaks are awesome. Life is good.

A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning

2008-12-16T21:46:00.018-06:00

This is my second Christmas break from college experience where I have to say goodbye to people I spend all my time with for about a month. I remember it being hard last year, but this year it has an extra-special heart-wrenching quality. Kristen came to visit this weekend, and today she and Rebecca both left. It's so weird to think that neither of them will be a part of my next semester at Belmont. Of course, they will both still be my friends, and we'll keep in touch, but I haven't fully grasped the concept of neither of them being around and in the next room anymore.

This is a somewhat surreal experience, but I know it will all be okay. Kristen is coming back, and Rebecca has not escaped our friendship! Now we just have to make a little more effort. I hope you two know how much you mean to me and how much I've enjoyed living near you guys and hanging out for a year and a half. Don't forget about me when you're on SNL and working for a record label. Come get your coffee from my Starbucks every now and then!

And this poem is heavy on the romance, but I feel like it has some relevance here because space can be overcome.

A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
by John Donne

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
The breath goes now, and some say, no:

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move,
'Twere profanation of our joys,
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of the earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did and meant.
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love, so much refined
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two:
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth if the other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must
Like the other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end, where I begun.

You guys have been the highlight of my college experience so far.

A Rare Political Post

2008-12-12T08:41:00.003-06:00

I rarely express opinions about politics, and I'm fairly apathetic about a lot of policies. I have my beliefs and I vote, but I'm not one to push people very far. That said, I found a cause I believe in enough that I'm actually willing to get involved. So this is one small way for me to share it, and if you feel the same way, I hope you'll vote.

Nashville is holding a special election to eliminate the use of any non-English language by Metro government. I think this is a horrible policy for several reasons. First, it does nothing to make people learn English, it just makes it harder for people who are in transition and learning English to do anything in the city. It doesn't do anything to stop illegal immigration either, which is the angle the people pushing this are taking. What it does do is change the way we treat immigrants. While I think people should make the effort to learn English, I understand that learning a new language takes time. This would make Nashville a city that has zero compassion for people who are trying to improve their quality of life. This isn't about immigration. This policy perpetuates racism and hate by affirming the close-minded people who believe they are superior because they happened to learn English first.

I don't want to go off on a political rant because it's just not my style. But if you live in Nashville (especially my Belmont friends) and you want it to be a compassionate city, register to vote in Nashville and vote against English Only. And if you want more information about English Only, you can find it here.

This is pushing the line about as far as I want to go because I still don't like politics or pointing people out and saying I know better, but here is an article from the Nashville Scene about the councilman who is pushing this.

No More Class!

2008-12-09T11:09:00.002-06:00

This semester seems like it's been ridiculous compared to the last. Instead of much Brett Michaels and Celebrity Rehab watching, I've done nothing but read and write. I realize that's what I do, but I really enjoyed that slacker second semester of freshman year. The scary thing is it's only going to be worst next semester. The two literature classes I'm taking are going to be brutal, but at least I like to read!

I still need to take some time to think about all that's happened this semester (which may not happen until after finals). I feel like what I've learned this semester is how hard it is to spend time with the people I love when things get busy. People I love is such a huge phrase because this semester it's been my family, my friends, and sadly God. It's basically everyone in my life, and I feel like I've neglected them all at some point.

So even though this hasn't been sorted out yet, I'm looking ahead and trying to see how I will apply this recognition of my neglectful tendencies in the future.

Where Did the Focus Go?

2008-12-07T23:06:00.002-06:00

Not that I've been super focused all semester, but I feel like I'm having more trouble focusing than ever at this point. I think it might be because I'm so over school at this point that I can't bring myself to do my homework. I was finally able to have some time to relax and I would have been able to prolong that if I had done just a little homework, but instead I managed to get behind and lose a lot of sleep. Oh well, two more days of class and then all I've got to suffer through is finals until January. The break will be beautiful.

And on another note, I need to get this out. I've complained in the past about being single and the feeling that it would never go away, but I can say that lately I've had some people who seem to be showing interest who I would like to escape from. Really, I am super content with being single right now. And honestly, I don't want to have to turn people down, but I'm just not interested. It's like the right guy isn't ever around at the right time. Oh well, I guess I can be flattered by the interest and honest about my desire to stay single for now. That was random, but whatever.

Why Home is So Much Sweeter

2008-11-30T08:13:00.003-06:00

I think I discovered over the break why I have been so much more attached to home lately. Part of it is the fact that I didn't go home this summer. After that I felt more of a need to go home and see my family as much as possible because I neglected them a little this summer. More than that, though, I think the fact that I've gone home a couple of times recently has had a huge impact, especially since my two closest Belmont friends will soon be gone. I still have lots of friends here in Nashville (and if you read my blog, you're most likely one of them), but I think there is a part of me that is resisting change. When I went home, I was reminded that those friendships I cared about in high school are still there. My best friends in Gainesboro haven't left, so I feel like that won't change. There is stability at home because those friends aren't going anywhere and neither is my family.

This is coming across sounding worse than it actually is. I don't have a huge complex about Kristen and Rebecca leaving, I just have this natural pull toward home that hasn't been there in the past. I'm glad to know I have that stability at home, but I'm not discounting all of you here in Nashville. I hope you all know that you are wonderful friends whom I love and feel so blessed to know. And I hope that this simply means we will have more time together and I will get to know you all better. God has been really faithful with the friends he's placed in my life, and I know he shuffles them around for a reason. It's good to know why home has such an appeal and that those friends will always be there, but I also love Nashville, and I know every friend I have isn't leaving. So to those of you who are here, thank you. And even though home is so nice, I have a lot going for me in both places.

2008-11-03T19:39:00.002-06:00

I am learning that I love to have conversations with people I don't know very well. People who know me would point out that I have always loved that, but lately I've been able to recognize when these conversations are happening, and I love it. I have had the chance to talk to some really wonderful people who I've known for a while but never had a chance to get past much more than a "Hello, how's class?" It's been enlightening, and I hope those people know that their company was much appreciated.

I'm so impressed with the wide range of personalities God created. I forget sometimes that we're all different. But when I remember it, it makes me really happy.

Running and Reflecting

2008-11-02T09:38:00.002-06:00

I ran the Team Nashville 10-Miler yesterday, and I found it interesting the things that come to mind when you're running ten miles. I didn't have many distractions because I was running at a pace where there were very few people--somewhere between the really slow people and the fast ones--so I got to see a lot of the scenery. When all you're doing is running, it's amazing the time you have to yourself. I had time to reflect on my semester and how stressed I've been lately. I remembered running with specific people, including every little tip they gave me. I even remembered my dad teaching me to drive and telling me to straighten out the curves on our country roads. So much to think about for an hour and a half.

It occurred to me that all these things I remembered while I was running had something in common: the people who were right beside me when these things were happening. My semester has been stressful, but it's also been awesome. I've kept my old friends (something not everyone does year two of college), and I've made some fantastic new friends. As busy as I've been I have had people to share my busyness with, and they make it worth it. And as for the people I've been running with, there have been so many and I feel like they were the only thing keeping me accountable. I didn't want to let them down now that they've been kind enough to slow themselves down to my pace and constantly offer advice. Not to mention, they've given up a good deal of time to go on longer runs with me. It's been a blast getting to know them, and I can only hope we continue running together. In both of those categories is Rebecca, who got up before the sun yesterday and was standing at the finish line. That meant more than I think she'll ever know. Dad's driving directions reminded me of the amazing parents I have. Mom ran the race with me yesterday, and Dad came to cheer us on. I have been so blessed to have great parents who love me and love each other. I'm so happy that we still find things to do together even though I'm not living at home.

The race was a good experience, and I feel like I got more out of it than exercise and a keychain. I learned something about myself yesterday that I haven't fully processed, but from what I've got so far, there are some really great people in my life. I hope they know how much they are loved and appreciated.

2008-10-28T22:24:00.002-05:00

What I really need to be doing is some homework. However, I'm in a really weird spot because it's Tuesday night and I'm in a hotel in Lenoir City. I've never stayed in a hotel alone before, so that's a very new, grown-up kind of experience, and I'm just really tired, but I have so much to do. I should start working on a paper, but I'd rather lay down in this bed that I just spent sixty dollars to sleep in one time. And of course, the later I stay up, the harder it will be to drive home tomorrow; it's still several hours back to Nashville. We'll see if anything gets finished.

Overwhelmed

2008-10-27T23:45:00.003-05:00

I feel like that's the only feeling I have any more. Every time I think it can't get worse it does. But I know I will be fine, and I also know there are much bigger problems in the world than mine. For now, I'm in North Carolina and even though it makes the homework slightly harder to accomplish in time, I know I made the right decision to come. I wouldn't go back and change it for anything.

I have three papers due on Friday. One of the assignments I just got today. I also have several projects to work on, and I don't know when I'm going to fit them in. I've learned this semester to make the decision to be a friend before being a student. I don't think I've found the perfect balance, but I'm getting there. The best part is that those friends are worth it.